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Human Centipede 2: A pool of blood, sweat, tears and a whole lot of feces.

Tom Six, the one-and-only master of misguided, mutated, mutilated, malformed mischief, has brought horror audiences yet another grotesque sideshow, a mega-meta sequel to his previous film, “The Human Centipede: First Sequence.”

As a marketing ploy for his new film, writer/director Six claimed that “The Human Centipede part 2: Full Sequence” would make its predecessor look like “My Little Pony”— A funny enough idea, although I cannot seem to recall which episode of “My Little Pony” had Apple Spice, 4-Speed and Cherilee walking around, sewn together ass-to-mouth.

But, there is a vein of truth to Six’s words.

In part two, Six pulls a 180, filling the screen with exceedingly gratuitous physical horror rather than psychological horror. Six’s story follows an obese, asthmatic, bug-eyed, perverted stay-at-home son named Martin (Laurence R. Harvey—no relation to “Manchurian Candidate” actor Laurence Harvey, I assure you) who is, in every way, obsessed with the first movie.

Martin watches part one repeatedly on his portable DVD player from a tiny booth inside of the parking garage where he works as an attendant. Martin also keeps a scrapbook in which he maps out his ultimate goal in life: To outdo the mad scientist from the first movie by creating a centipede with twelve people rather than a measly three.

Say! I should take a moment to test whether or not part two is the movie for you. Step right up, step right up!

Do you seek sandpaper-guided masturbation? How about on-screen ligament cutting and teeth hammering? Are you interested in crowbar concussions, gunshot wounds wrapped in duct tape or someone’s lips being forcibly stapled to someone else’s rear end?

Oh, I know! I’ll bet you are in the mood for a good old-fashioned laxative induced excrement shower that splatters the camera and reveals the only bit of color in an otherwise entirely black-and-white movie.

Should none of these things appeal to you, I would recommend keeping your distance from “The Human Centipede part 2: Full Sequence.”

Over its 88 minute running length, Six shows us all of the above in vile, gratuitous detail, one-upping himself in the gore and excrement department, but none of it adds up to anything interesting.

I am curious, however, to know where on this planet Six found an actor like Harvey. His strange appearance is enough to induce nightmares, let alone his creepy giggles, temper tantrums and squeals of delight.

If I have made Six’s sequel sound stomach-churning in any way, I should inform curious readers that I have not yet included the most horrific and putrid detail in the movie, which involves a newborn baby—a seconds old newborn baby. That should tell you how determined the director is to get a rise out of audiences.

I have to admit that I admired the first movie on many levels: I thought Six’s restraint was admirable—it is nonexistent here. In part one, Six actually took time to build suspense and anticipation for the victims—again, nonexistent. I thought “First Sequence” was shot very well—this one is in shaky-cam hell. I could go on and on.

Ultimately, “Full Sequence” is a big-fat failure of a movie. Six’s attempts to jostle our tummies and hammer our nerves fall flat, and instead of a solid horror flick, we are left with a pool of blood, sweat, tears and a whole lot of feces.

GRADE: * out of 4