One Sentence Reviews

By: Seth Farmer

Less is more, more or less.

AVATAR
This movie has no balls.

THE AVIATOR
I’ve never seen a better portrait of perfectionism, of the uncompromising eccentricities that all visionaries possess.

DIE HARD
In Die Hard, people don’t just die — they super die.

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
Lady cab driver, come and take me for a riide
Don’t forget, y’all, 1999 was only two years away from 1997.

GAMER
Where movies like The Happening embrace the 2000s in a cradling manner (“there, there now, it’s going to be okay”), movies like Gamer reactively regurgitate the time period after far too many force-fed sessions of overeating.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
A movie about movies and especially their power to take a bunch of goddamn lies and turn them into undeniable truths.

INTO THE WILD
I haven’t read the book, but from Sean Penn’s senseless direction and retarded glorification of Chris’s odyssey, all I could possibly take away from this film was the fact that Chris was a spoiled little shit who was hip and cool and counter-culture and didn’t fuck Bella before she met Edward.

THE LAST AIRBENDER
The Last Airbender is a whiff; a grand, baroque, beleaguering swipe at brilliance whose inevitable crash back to Earth perhaps resulted in the Littlest Grand Canyon… this movie is Charlie Brown’s lunge at the football.

MADAGASCAR
The visuals look like polystyrene chewing gum.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
Christians everywhere played for fools: their savior voyeuristically exploited as a martyr for shock value and gore, and oh did they love it!

STAR WARS: EPISODE II – ATTACK OF THE CLONES
To be angry is to be human.
To slaughter an entire village of helpless indigenous nomads is to be human.

ZOMBIELAND
Zombieland is stupid, and not in the usual way that zombie films are.