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Stop Staring At My Poop Canon: 100 Films I Would Never Ever Recommend To Anyone

By: Kai White

This is what happens when some people are over at your place and say, “Hey, what’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?”

The worst movie I’ve ever seen, as it happens, is Antichrist. However, it is so bad, I didn’t even want it on top of this list. That leaves the truly gawdawful The Spirit at the number one spot, an almost unreal combination of superhero comic book slapstick that truly must (actually, must NOT) be seen to be believed.

The rest of this list is voted on by a handful of people. I have seen all of these myself, and will contend that they are all quite terrible in their own ways. This list is ranked according to votes and/or desperate pleas to put a film higher on the list. Are there some worse films out there? Oh, most certainly. However, you might figure that a drunken discussion of bad superhero movies mean that this list is populated with many of those, and so on.

Not making it on to the list below, but would have if they would have been included in MUBI’s database:

House of the Dead – Uwe Boll, 2003
Highlander 2 – Russel Mulcahy, 1991
Screamers – Christian Duguay, 1995
A Sound of Thunder – Peter Hyams, 2005
War – Philip G. Atwell, 2007

If any of your personal favorites happen to have made it on this list, well, then, um, I’m sorry to hear that.

 

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Michael Dallape

5May13

Why the hate on antichrist?

  • Picture of Kai White

    Kai White

    5May13

    I cannot express how terrible that film is. Which is too bad, I like a lot of von Trier's stuff, but that is practically unwatchable. Between the laughable Chaos Reigns bit and the unintended hilarity of the kid crawling out of his window sequence, it is beyond silly, but dressed up as SUPER SERIOUS LISTEN TO ME I AM SO F'ING DEPRESSED. The only movie, and I mean the ONLY MOVIE that would have been improved by having a Transformer in it. von Trier even knew this, that's why she stuck that wheel in his leg.

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Henrique Verkündigung

6Mar13

i'd remove elephant and eyes wide shut, nice list, all the rest are full of shit

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Mugino

27Jan13

The irony is that these Worst lists pique one's "how bad can it be?" curiosity which in turn compels them to watch. That's how I ended up seeing "Waterworld".

Kai White likes this

  • Picture of Kai White

    Kai White

    28Jan13

    HA! I had almost forgotten all about this list. Yes, I definitely agree. I'm one of those people that when someone tells me something is horrible, I want to know if it's just horrible, or a special kind of horrible. Believe me, most of these are a special kind of horrible.

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subtonal

27Jan13

quite a few of my favorites are on here...whoops, heh

Kai White likes this

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