Embarassing. Pathetic. But some good laughs to be had, particularly in watching Antonio Banderas channeling Maria Montez as he intones: “I am de oldessssst awf the vammmpiresssssssss.”

A lame adaptation of a lame book. One of poor Brad Pitt’s very worst performances, the first really clear sign that there was so much less to him than met the eye. Kirsten Dunst had forgotten more about acting before she made this film than little Brad will ever know. Stephen Rea manages some moments.