10 to 20 of the Worst Films You Have Ever Seen
What bothers me about Killer Tomatoes is that it is boring but spanned an entertaining sequel and a fine cartoon show with John Astin. Tomatoes should have been better tho, it is hard to sit thru, but then again no harder than some of the films it is parodying.
Here’s a few in no particular order. Feel free to watch them, if you dare!
1- Attack Force
2- Zombies Gone Wild
3- Nemesis 2
4- Nemesis 4
5- Terror Toons
I have seen Terror Toons
believe David Carradine is in that (unless I am thinking of Evil Toons)
The Boy with the Striped Pajama’s
&
The Lovely Bones
@ Den
You are thinking of Evil Toons (which I want to see). ;)
I was curious about that Stripped Pajama movie, with this and Life is Beautiful (very unfairly) on the list, wonder if Holocaust films are hard to stomach (especially when heavy on the sentimentality)
wonder if 9/11 films will be like that in 50 years.
anyone seen this piece of shit?
never even heard of it
A botched production and studio tinkering leveled that into unwatchable status, I’ve read. I’m too afraid to watch, so I’ll just wait for Pyun’s own DC.
^^A lot of Pyun’s films are pretty unwatchable even when he is in control!
Pyun=autistic auteur.
His comedy of errors begin to resemble a personal style.
The thing is that Pyun is never in control! Only nowadays, but his stuff doesn’t look that interesting (or good) so I can’t say. Even so, he’s made some great films- Deceit, Dangerously Close and Mean Guns being the best for me. Stuff like Adrenalin is very interesting- an almost 2 hour, atmospheric chase film; Nemesis is a smorgasbord of energetic mise en scene- very entertaining and well put together for such a cheapie. But then… there’s the bad. sigh ;_;
Pyun used to be good:
Kickboxer 2
Cyborg
Alien From LA
King said:
I’m not the sort who spends a lot of time analyzing Showgirls for its deeper meaning…
Nah, me neither. Nor do I spend too much time analysing why this audience or that audience is attracted to the film. ‘Tis true that certain segments of society seem to like particular movies, though. But then there are people like yourself who know that Showgirls is trashy and like it anyway. Which I suppose is better than thinking it’s a masterpiece of Citizen Kane standards and liking it.
I do fancy Myra Breckenridge, largely because it features Raquel Welch. I still think the biggest error this film made was not having Raquel play both Myra and Myron (something that I was pleased to hear Raquel mention on the DVD commentary). It’s a ludicrous film but it’s meant to be ludicrous and the book is even moreso. The film does have a few inconsistencies—the book makes it clear that Myra uses a strap-on with the cowboy actor (it says this in the book) but the film doesn’t really show that (I guess the concept of pegging was still too risque for 1970 film—seeing Raquel walking around with a plastic erection certainly would’ve been something that nobody would’ve forgotten in a hurry). In fact there are things to suggest in the film that Myra can still take a slash standing up (if you follow my meaning) despite her “female” status.
You know, thinking about it now, Myra Breckenridge would’ve been a great showcase for Raquel’s talents if they had her play three different roles ala Peter Sellers in Dr Strangelove. Firstly, Raquel could’ve been Myron, then she could’ve been Myra, then she could’ve played the Mae West role (as a parody of Ms West). If you haven’t heard Raquel do her imitation of Mae West’s voice, you’re missing out: makes me laugh out loud and it’s more Mae than Mae. She does it on the DVD commentary if you can grab a copy of it.
Perhaps the biggest advantage of having Raquel play all three roles would have been to eliminate Mae West (and she stole top-billing!), who was nothing but trouble for Myra Breckenridge, from the set of the film as well as the red carpet when the film opened. She’s funny in the movie but Raquel doing a Mae West parody is even funnier.
Now, I guess you can defend Attack of the Killer Tomatoes for its intentional awfulness, but intentional awfulness doesn’t always work for me. If it’s funny, it’s funny. The intent behind the comedy doesn’t matter that much. Only the translation.
A fair point indeed. This reminds me of sketch comics who attempt to parody the awfulness of something or rather (a singer, television show, etc) but end up seeming plain unfunny anyway, so I see where you’re coming from. I’m reminded of another Troma film, a piece of crap called They Call Me Macho Woman (1989). Yes, I watched the whole freakin’ thing on late-night cable. For those people who think Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is the worst “intentionally bad” film ever, you haven’t endured Macho Woman.
How bad is it? I’ll put it this way: it’s so terrible that you don’t even realise it’s meant to be intentionally terrible (and no I’m not dense, I have a pretty good sense for this sort of thing, but the film is just too vile and mean-spirited—I should really put this on my worst films list, I suppose).
I haven’t seen any of those Nemisis films listed above, but at least Sue Price looks like she could kick your arse—and look good doing it (I never knew she did films before I looked up on these). Better to have Sue give you a beating than, say, Megan Fox. Verisimilitude is the key here.
In no particular order:
Dragonball Evolution
Sucker Punch
Stay Alive – Ugly shit with the guy in Cody Banks
Epic Movie
Domino
Abduction
Sleeping Beauty – The Disney one
Tron Legacy
Teeth
Alice in Wonderland – The Tim Burton one
Tomboy – I’ve waited more than an year for it. I saw a trailer online, and started thinking it will be really cool, buuut no.
A Scanner Darkly
The Brown Bunny
Hesher
I can think of more :)
What I find fascinating is that so many of the films on these lists, I would not touch with a ten foot barge pole. And I know that many of them, I wouldn’t fancy, but you know, people are always telling me “You just gotta see it, it’s such a great film!” So I guess now is as good a time to ask the MUBI humanoids: why does everyone keep telling me to see Mean Girls?
By the way, I’ve never seen The Craft in full but it was playing in the video store just the other day and it looks like such bullshit. I imagine that teenaged man-hating wiccans would enjoy it, though.
“…wonder if 9/11 films will be like that in 50 years”
I tend to avoid them, they seem so sappy on the surface. Much easier to make a Hollywood movie in English about two people who bond over the tragedies of 9/11 and sell it to the rubes instead of making an intelligent movie about the injustices perpetrated by the American war machine overseas. I suppose that Hollywood thinks that 9/11 justifies a neverending chain of pseudo-Capra related to the events of that day, but I guess that’s because your average Hollywood executive didn’t wake up to the sounds of gunfire and explosions every morning for ten years (not every Hollywood executive grew up in Watts).
And I’m still waiting for the Pentagon footage of the aircraft striking the building. It’s the fucking Pentagon—cameras fucking everywhere and no footage? Bullshit.
What was so bad about Hesher (just curious)
I am gonna compile all these movies in a few weeks into a long list
Never heard of Hesher until just then…let’s see, it’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt (I can never seem to recall this guy’s name but I always think of him as one of the most boring people in Hollywood—even looks boring) as a tattooed chain-smoking slacker. O-kay…
Tomboy – I’ve waited more than an year for it. I saw a trailer online, and started thinking it will be really cool, buuut no
I presume you’re talking about the deeply serious French film about the girl with the gender identity crisis who’s trying to find the girl of her dreams, but I suppose you could always be referencing the not-so-serious American film about the girl with the talent for fixing automobiles who’s trying to find the guy of her dreams. The latter is pretty lowly-regarded, I’m sure it’s made it onto a fair few “worst” movie lists. I’ve actually wanted to see it for a great many years, I’m sure I’ll get around to it.
Say it with me now…
FRANCE
AMERICA
This taps into my theory that you could throw any title for a movie at the Americans, they’ll turn it into something completely different from what the rest of the world would do (I’ve mentioned this elsewhere regarding The Slut). Or perhaps it’s the reverse. I’d love to grab a bunch of serious French filmmakers together and tell ’em to work on a movie that must be entitled “Black Dynamite” and watch them churn out a serious examination of racial relations in modern day France.
The Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows
Cashback
Eurotrip
Van Helsing
The Passion of the Christ
Blitz
Soldier
Resident Evil (sequels could be worse, I never went and found out)
Flubber
Irreversable has too many things to admire to hate it. Ghostbusters? Madness. Forrst Gump is worth a beating because of it’s “message”. Battlefield Earth was bad, but knowing how bad it was made it a riot (I know). The Fifth Element was great fun, as is Robocop. Audition is fucking GREAT. Kenji’s racking-up some classics, too. The Exorcist? Die Hard? Marry Poppins! Sacrilege!
And I actually kinda liked Last Action Hero. Inverted pretension: you guys need to see some more shite!
;)
And these are probably no-where near my “worst”, just the first that came to mind. The rest have been deeply repressed – one hopes.
Wait, wait: TWINS! How bad…
@ Mark:
There is a great (or at least very good) film about 9/11 called United 93, directed by Paul Greengrass.
And can we just qualify something, by saying that, without meaning to cause offence, simply throwing 9/11 and The Holocaust together, I find somewhat distasteful. Not meaning to pick a fight. Just wanted to flag it.
I Come With the Rain-
-
The Departed
Color of Pomegranates
Irreversible
Inland Empire
Fight Club
Borat
Crash (Haggis)
My Fair Lady
Life During Wartime
A Clockwork Orange
Fat Girl
There is a great (or at least very good) film about 9/11 called United 93, directed by Paul Greengrass
Ironic. That film is right near the top of “never want to see that bullshit”. Refer to my Pentagon comment. It’s funny, you know, that everybody is so certain what happened on United 93, and pretty offensive that some Hollywood types thought they could just invent stuff to make a bunch of real-life heroes for their next blockbuster feature. Possibly the most offensive "idea’ for a movie of the past decade. At a time when people should be questioning the government and the believability of claims over “terrorism” and the events of 9/11, Hollywood throws this shit out there. You know, Hollywood is often accused of being a playground for liberals, but films like United 93 prove that there is still a strong neo-conservative element in the mainstream American film industry. If I want to see a war-related film, I’d rather go with something intelligent, something that shows the real cost of war, such as The Messenger by Oren Moverman.
Robert:
I don’t think that Dennis was attempting to compare the Holocaust with 9/11 but rather to compare Holocaust films with 9/11 films—something different and to my mind it’s an apt comparison. I think that a lot of people see the Holocaust as overused subject matter or as a way of using an infamous disaster to mine some easy emotion from an audience—I believe that is what he is getting at.
Mark is right in what I was getting at
one should not flag things without knowing at least what the other is getting at.
..
“It’s funny, you know, that everybody is so certain what happened on United 93, and pretty offensive that some Hollywood types thought they could just invent stuff to make a bunch of real-life heroes for their next blockbuster feature.”
Yeah it’s not like they they have cell phone logs or the black box or anything of passengers and the pilots describing what happened.
I was going to link a few but for some reason the biggest hits for sharing those details are the loose changers so fuck that. You can find them with a simple Google search.
—PolarisDiB
@ Mark:
Well I thought United 93 was a solid film coming so close on the heels of 9/11. The essence of the film is what counts…not whether everything portrayed aboard the flight is 100% accurate. Hollywood is always inventing…something…I don’t generally go the movies for history lessons…I go because I’m going to see those events interpreted through some artist’s vision.
I thought The Messenger was a good film too….although the 2nd half of the film is weak and turns into a buddy picture to some extent.
KingofPain
@MARK IS SUSPENDED IN GAFFA
I’m not the sort who spends a lot of time analyzing Showgirls for its deeper meaning, if that’s what you’re getting at. It makes me laugh. I like the bitchy banter between Gershon and Berkley. The first time saw it back in the 90s I thought it was funny. Just like I think Vice Squad and Myra Breckinridge are funny. Do I like “trash”? Yeah, I suppose I do. Now, I guess you can defend Attack of the Killer Tomatoes for its intentional awfulness, but intentional awfulness doesn’t always work for me. If it’s funny, it’s funny. The intent behind the comedy doesn’t matter that much. Only the translation.