Hey all, I wrote/directed/edited/ a 6 minute film in a 12-week filmmaking workshop, would love some feedback from you all!
Illumination from Qiydaar Foster on Vimeo.
It’s my first time creating anything, so keep that in mind ;)
looking forward to hearing from you.
First of all, congratulations on completing your first film.
This is a very slick, professional-looking project. I think in terms of both audio and visual style, you have a lot going for you. Keep it up!
I’ll assume that you simply didnt have access to a tripod or dolly(or that it wasn’t feasible for you to set up dolly tracks on a New York City sidewalk, so I will forgive the shaky cam stuff. That being said, with a good steady cam-and operator, you could create some images as successful as Terrace Malick.
I understand the constraints of making a short film, and I am making all of my assessments based on the assumption that you want to make feature length films.
Your framing, shot selection, camera movements, and editing are THERE. Very fine work, and I am perhaps more impressed by Illumination, in that regard, than by anything that I have seen here.
In this short film, I think that you display your ability to shoot a number of different kind of scenes and films, from chase scenes and thrillers, to more contemplative pieces.
I love the track in on the shot where he pours the milk over the cereal-that is well done, not over done, and that is real filmmaking there.
The sound design works very well.
I think that the story is well enough executed, in this silent six minute work, and I think that its done about as well as it could have been. I liked how you brought the color back into the film, it was a real moment of relief or catharsis-and the silence at that moment was appropriate and worked well.
All that I can say is use dollies and tripods, and don’t settle for a life of making low-budget movies. Think big, because you are clearly talented, and must be the best at the Digital Film Academy whatever that is.
Oh, and at the beginning, I couldn’t read your credit, because it flashed off too quickly.
Thank you guys for the feedback, I’m grateful!
I won’t address the shaky cam again. Jason covered that sufficiently. If you’re doing a forward / backward tracking shot, you’ll need a camera dolly. If you’re doing a sideways shot, you’ll need a tripod. Otherwise, it’ll look a bit messy.
Other than that, I loved your use of the tilted camera during the “foot scene”; it was cleverly shot and kept relevant focus. Your composition was also, for the most part, great (although I didn’t like the scene where he sits down on the pavement. The composition was off)
Music was very well put with the transitions, the colour fix is very creative (reminded me a lot of Wings of Desire, as both your character and the main character in Wings of Desire “start a new life”).
The theme, although a bit cliche, was also executed very cutely. It felt a bit like it tried a bit too hard the first time I saw the short, but the second time made it fit much more into place.
Either way, as he said, really good job. Find solid production and you could really make it.
This was actually really great, especially for a first production. I was quite impressed by the “cereal shot” and, unlike Jason and Sheeps, didn’t think the lack of steady-cam (which you can jimmy-rig yourself for around $40) on the tracking take was particularly detrimental. Camera and editing was excellant throughout (as has been noted, the sideways take with the shoes and after was nicely done) and the switch to colour was well executed, especially with the choice of background decor (nice solid colours made the change smoothly, not at all jarring). Here and there the composition could have been better, however. A little more work on the photography couldn’t have hurt, but most of those occurances have already been mentioned.
I think you did well to avoid dialogue and more complex narrative with this picture, as that’s really another bag of oranges alltogether. Just jump in there though, I’m certain you can handle it now you’ve the technical side down. Music was very fitting. If I’ve one major comment to make however, it would be to avoid cliches. The alarmclock, telephone ringing &c. &c. aren’t bad per se, but I would avoid that sort of thing in the future. We’ve all been there though, so don’t make too much of it. Sometimes you can even act your way through them if it’s absolutely necessary.
On the whole though, a well done job.
I think that they said everything. All I have to say is: Congratulations. It’s a very well done film, seems like that 12-week filmmaking workshop was very good. Looking forward to watching your next film.
I ve just seen your movie and enjoyed very much. congrats!
Thanks dude, I really appreciate it!
Garage gave my film a page!