What are you watching?
Stalker
Oh! Sounds good. Is it a thriller?
No it’s a…
a) um…science fiction film?
b) an artisitic meditation on the meaning of life, God and the universe…
You’re screwed either way as soon as that conversation comes up.
Haha, I know what you mean.
I’ve actually been meaning to see Stalker. I’m waiting for it from Netflix now.
As with the film I mentioned, I have no idea how to describe what it’s about…without sounding lame. Some movies just shouldn’t be described they should just be watched.
Someone once asked me what Calvaire was about. Man, it was the most enjoyable 10 minutes of my day, I just went on and on about Christian allegory and torture porn. I knew I was making this person uncomfortable, but they asked, right? I was tempted to simply reply, “Ask the pig,” but I don’t think it would have been as satisfying a reaction.
Film titles though? Not so much, unless I can’t pronounce it correctly. :P
Basically if I’m watching any of these following, I blush when I mention it: to my family who’s asking, to friends after the fact, to less-than-enthusiastic-types-re-film in animated conversation:
Y Tu Mama Tambien
The Saddest Music in the World (“it’s …. it’s a movie”)
Detour
White
The 400 Blows (“sounds … filthy”)
It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (“omg, when he is gonna stop saying Mad?”)
I tried to explain the plot of Breaking the Waves to an English class I took once (and in which we were asked to say our name, program, and favourite film, and why … why we did it I’m not totally clear on) and ended up making it sound like I was a pervert and a religious misogynist. And really creepy. “See this woman, uhmm, she gets married and then some stuff happens and so she like … has to like fool around with a lot of guys, cause, erm, God told her to …. BUT IT’S BEAUTIFUL!”
On the other hand, answering BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA is an incredibly fun response to give to any question.
^ It’s also gratifying to respond with “Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia” when ordering in a restaurant. I wish I had come up with it originally, heh, but I “borrow” the line rather often.
^ Nice Fletch reference.
I don’t hate saying any titles, but the killer is when someone asks what it’s about. Oh boy………
I am a Sex Addict – Caveh Zahedi
Also, any great film that has a stupid remake, such as The Heartbreak Kid, or the same name as a crappy film, like Mike Leigh’s High Hopes.
Julien Donkey-Boy comes to mind.
I can’t think of any titles other than ones with language that might be viewed as an affront to public decorum—those are hard to talk about with certain audiences. After all, I don’t want my students (high school) to go home and tell their parents that their English teacher was talking about “Antichrist” or “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” or a documentary called “Fuck” (I did manage to discuss that last one without actually using the title).
I have seen a few raised eyebrows after mentioning THE 400 BLOWS, but I can’t say that it deters or bothers me in any way!
Yeah the 400 blows is a little ehh, to say. ha, simply because in the english language the word “blow” isn’t really commonly used except for one reason… A reason other than the original words meaning intended.ha
On TV, I hate the titles RESCUE ME and LIE TO ME.
—Friend: What movie are you gonna watch?
—Me: Eh… Turtles… Turtles Can Fly…
—Friend: O.o ahaa… I see xD.
Oh yeah, remakes kill me.
I love Get Carter but suddenly everyone forgot there was an original as soon as that damn Stallone thing came out.
explaining Y Tu Mama Tambien is a bitch
Friend: What stupid arthouse film are you going to watch tonight?
Me: mumbles Y Tu Mama Tambien
Friend: what’s it about
Me: these two friends……who have sex with one of their cousin’s wife……no, it’s not a porno
but say out loud? Well, i generally refer to Zack and Miri Make a Porno as Zack and Miri, but……..The 400 Blows always comes out awkwardly. I’ve even taken to referring to it as “Les Quatres Se Coups” to avoid weird looks
“Also, any great film that has a stupid remake, such as The Heartbreak Kid”
I can’t mention that film without people saying, ’Shawn Michaels?"
I’ll just leave it alone.
cinema paradiso
because i feel the need to pronounce it “chinema”, because that’s the title. but it’s spelled the same as the english cinema… then i feel and sound like an ass… it’s aggravating.
Oh I say (lying): a Pixar movie. – everyone knows and loves those :-P
Re: Stalker
DiB’s Explanation as to Why He Will Always Be Alone
1) Never say “stalker” in a conversation with a potential date, ever. This rule is understood as universal by everybody.
2) I’ve thought long and hard about it, and have decided that Stalker is a movie I really really would like to watch with my girlfriend, whoever she may be. Thus, she has to be at least openminded about the types of movies I watch to be willing to at least sit through them to see what I find interesting in them (like I would do with her, yes, even if she dragged me to every last Michael Bay and Nora Ephron film on earth).
3) Unfortunately, I also like movies that are actually about stalkers, only have friendlier sounding titles. Like
Happiness. Or Amelie.
ERGO, I cannot ask my girlfriend to watch a movie I need her to be capable of watching with me because the title is disallowed, unless she knows me well enough to know that I’m not being creepy, at which point she’s probably seen enough other movies with me to know that I have dark tastes in movies, in which case she’ll probably have come to expect Deep End-like endings in most of what I watch, even though I try to convince her that I’ll never force her to watch anything as horrible to take as Demonlover.
I’m kidding, though. It’s not all that bad. Nevertheless, Stalker is a very unfortunately named movie, Tarkovsky. Darn you.
Right then. Takashi Miike makes some hard ones. “No Visitor Q is not a b-movie from the 50s, it’s a family drama horror comedy from the 90s.” “Happiness of the Katakuris is not that game where you pick up all of those objects with a big sticky ball, though it comes from the same country.” “No really, Big Bang Love, Juvenile A is beautiful.” “No, Ichi the Killer isn’t…. well…. actually you’re right, it’s just what it says. Hmmm…”
Similarly named movies really gave me a lot of trouble when I was working at Hastings. “No, not that crappy Schwartzenegger movie. I said I recommend Eraser_head_. Heeeeeeaaaaaadddd. No, it’s not about a man with an eraser for a head. Well I guess, yes, that’s a dream sequence in it, but it’s symbolic…. wait, no… ughhhhh, nevermind.” Come to think of it, Mulholland Dr. and Mulholland Falls created a bit of confusion a couple of times too. Though frankly those were nothing on the confusions Hollywood created for themselves, what with Reservation, Redemption, and Retribution Roads coming out within mere MONTHS of each other.
Speaking of Demonlover, I have a difficult time explaining why it’s the most disturbing movie I’ve ever seen. “Eh, I don’t find demons disturbing…” “No no, there aren’t any demons in it, except internal ones.” “Uh….huh….”
And so on…
—PolarisDiB
The Royal Tenenbaums attracts more casual film viewers though, so plenty of people outside the cinephile community have heard of it and are familiar with it I think.
Honestly I haven’t met a single person who’s heard of it, quite depressing…
On the other hand there are film titles I wish I had reasons to say outloud because I just like to say them, like “The Killing of a Chinese Bookie” or the previously mentioned “Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia”
This happened to me someday:
Me: Well, I just watched a movie
She: Oh, which film was it?
Me: Our music
She: Which music?
Me: It’s the title of the film
She: Yeah, but what is the title?
One of the best kung fu films ever made is called 8 DIAGRAM POLE FIGHTER. Try telling that to somebody who’s not already a kung fu diehard.
@Vic HAHAHAHA
I Want To Live! is another embarrassing one. One that often makes people reach for 1-800-DON’T-SUICIDE.
I don’t hate saying any titles really.
However I do hate that I have to say Cronenberg’s Crash for people to know which Crash I’m talking about – also the thing I hate most about remakes is that the whole time I have to add The original to a title (e.g. Dawn of the Dead The original, Texas Chainsaw the original etc) for others to get that I don’t mean the remake.
Santropez : You should try telling them you saw ‘A Movie’ by Bruce Conner ;)
I used remakes against people at Hastings.
“Do you have Ocean’s Eleven?”
“Original or remake?”
“….. Uhhhhh….”
“Older or newer?”
Before I go further, important note: “old” for most consumers is, like, two years. Seriously.
“I guess it’s pretty old. They made a new one?”
“Yeah, it’s horrible.”
“Yeah I guess I want the old one then.”
“Frank Sinatra, comin’ up!”
“Wait what?”
O-or,
“Do you have Crash?”
“The awesome 80s one about sex and car crashes or the lame 00s one about the crying racial caricatures?”
“…. The one that won the Academy Award?”
“That’s a shame. You’re missing out on sex and car crashes.”
I think back over my years at that place and understand that I truly was not meant for customer service. Here’s hoping: never again.
—PolarisDiB
@fuck mubi: hahahahaha! I will try that someday.
@PolarisDiB
That’s why I want to apply for a job on blockbuster, seems to be nice to play with some customer’s minds. Here in Mexico it’s not so well paid though.
Rape me and titles that are names i.e. Ariel, Abel, etc. could also create weird situations.
Not a film… but it’s got a title I’d hate to say.
Hidden Behind the Screen
Some of my favorite films have titles I just don’t like to say… to people other than cinema lovers. (And as a sidenote, I’ve never met another genuine cinema lover in person)
One would be The Royal Tenenbaums. I’m crazy about that movie, it’s one of my favorites…but if i was watching it and somebody asked me what I was watching I’d feel awkward and probably say “Oh…Just a movie”
I know there’s more I just can’t think of them at the moment… Anyone else get this or am I just a little weird?