I remember one time, we were sitting at the very back in the middle, and there was a black couple sitting way in the back right of the theatre, and things were pretty dead, like hardly anyone was there. Anyways, maybe 45 min into the movie, the chick started to give the guy a BJ. The guy sitting closest to them noticed and nudged us. And we looked over and there she was. We only saw her doing it for like 30 secs, because soon after the guy just left. And she stayed and watched the whole movie until it was over. It was weird. They were sitting so he was closest to the wall, so it would be harder to see of course. We reckoned that the guy must have effed off on her or something. Either he got his rocks off and didn’t want to waste time on the movie, or she did a really bad job, or maybe he just couldn’t concentrate because maybe they knew we saw them. We were pretty sure we heard him coming though. Man, I can’t remember what movie it was. That was like 5-6 years ago.
Funniest thing Ive seen? Monthy Python’s The Meaning Of Life and Blazing Saddles (tie)
Elston: you think that chick got in for free?
Back when those promo slide-shows before a movie asked the audience to do stuff, my friend Leon was the only one who actually did (thus why they must not use them anymore). Once the slide said, “Stand up and call out your favorite cartoon character.” Leon stood up and yelled, “SNNOOOOOPPPPYYYY!”, causing everyone in the theatre to jump.
One of my favorite theatre stories of all time was when Andy and I went to see Transformers in theatre. During that never-ending and terrible scene (amongst all the other neverending and terrible scenes in that neverending and terrible friggin’ movie) where the robots are outside Praise the Beef’s house telling him to find whatever and he keeps yelling at them to shut up while the parents stumble around like drunken fools (mostly because the actors were drunken fools playing drunken fools in a scene written by drunken fools—hey, I didn’t say Bay didn’t structure his movie correctly, every single frame represented the terribleness that was the whole), Andy finally yelled out, “We get it, move on!” The audience actually applauded. I expected us to get eviscerated, but the audience actually applauded.
This is in sharp contrast to the time Alex and I saw Star Wars episode III. I have to give it to Lucas, he really did build some drama there at the end—almost. During the scene where Anakin becomes Darth Vader and the iconic helmet descends, the theatre was rock-quiet, completely drawn into the movie. Then Vader wakes up and asks where Padme is and Emperor uglyface sez, “YOU LEFT HER!” and Vader yells, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO X infinity” and Alex, his girlfriend, and I all lost it, broke into laughter and nearly fell out of our seats. The entire theatre turned to glare at us and Alex, barely catching his breath, said aloud, “What? You guys actually take this shit seriously?” and never have I seen the term “if looks could kill” so literalized as “Shush!”es filled the auditorium and everyone got all huffy and turned back to the movie. But to be fair, that moment was fucking stupid. We regret nothing.
And then there was the time that Sahra and I tried really hard to turn Sweeney Todd into the new Rocky Horror Picture Show: “HOORAY the SPRAY, hooray!” We stopped when the cringing goth kids in the front gave us a sour look that totally said their dark soul would be calling security if we didn’t allow them their deepest painful pleasure of actually sitting quietly through a recent Tim Burton movie. Hey I understand, I used to be involved in the Goth subculture: some of them really do just want that pain to feel more important about themselves, as silly as that is. I wasn’t going to get in between them and such a cheap, easy way towards self-torture, that would be rude and force them to amp up their self-immolation.
—PolarisDiB
A watched Notorious, the Notorious B.I.G. biopic, in Hollywood and a women in the theater started yelling “No!” when he died. How the hell did she not know he was going to die? She then preceded to walk out of the theater! Good times!
Oooo, that reminds me.
The funnest part of all about seeing I Heart Huckabees was seeing people walk out. Some did so immediately right with the opening lines. Some did over time just based on the dialog. A whole chunk left during the sex in the mud scene. One woman in particular got very upset by seeing Jude Law with lactating breasts. By the time the movie ended, barely a quarter of the people who paid for a ticket remained.
—PolarisDiB
Shutter Island: DiCaprio shoots his wife. Audience reaction (including me) : PRICELESS.
Watched Shutter Island five times in two days!
Girlfriend and I had sex in the theater entrance hallway of the Avatar’s midnight showing. What a boring film!
Not so funny but completely absurd thing happened at a movie I went to last year. When I went to see Sin Nombre in theaters last year a woman in the front smoked through the whole movie. She was not only chain smoking in the theater, but the theater was part of a mall.
My friend Dylan and I went to see A Serious Man. Before the movie started, we were talking about random stuff, admittedly not all that important. Anyway, the commercial for A Christmas Carol by Zemeckis was showing when a guy leaned over and said, “Can you two be quiet I’m trying to pay attention to what’s happening!”
A pause. I said, “For _A Christmas Carol?”_
“Yes,” the man said.
“Do you want to know how it ends?” I said.
He got up and moved away to a further seat. He was kinda pissed.
But, I mean, really now.
—PolarisDiB
Erik Villasenor
In bad movies I’m dragged to by my dumb ass freinds we tend to get bored and do stupid shit. The funniest thing I’ve seen was in paranormal activities when in the middle my black friend screams and pretends to masturbate by slapping his stomach. I know this stories not that great so I want to hear more. Any stories from fellow bad film survivors?