These “Director” threads always crack me up.
Lars Von Trier, you got knock’d the fuuug out!
John Huston, definitely.
Sam Peckinpah.
Clint Eastwood.
I guess I’ve got a “type.”
I don’t know about who I would want to fight, but I have some ideas about which two directors I would like to fight each other.
Fat Peter Jackson vs. Fat Guillermo Del Toro. I know they will both be working together on The Hobbit so they will come in contact and maybe have some kind of disputes. I just wish they were both fat again when they start dueling with their big Middle-Earth props.
Jaques Tati vs. Buster Keaton. Don’t tell me this couldn’t be one of the most captivating things ever put to film.
Samuel Fuller vs. John Carpenter. I don’t have a real good reason for this one. They actually kind of look the same to me. And they both seem hard as nails when they want to be.
Werner Herzog vs. Errol Morris. I know these guys are friends and that any fight would actually turn into an interview with Morris asking the most amazing questions and Herzog giving the most fascinating answers. In fact, why isn’t something like this already out there for me to view? Or am I just not aware of it?
Yuen Woo-ping vs. George Lucas. Come on, you want to see Lucas get his teeth kicked in don’t you?
I don’t know about who I would want to fight, but I have some ideas about which two directors I would like to fight each other.
Fat Peter Jackson vs. Fat Guillermo Del Toro. I know they will both be working together on The Hobbit so they will come in contact and maybe have some kind of disputes. I just wish they were both fat again when they start dueling with their big Middle-Earth props.
Jaques Tati vs. Buster Keaton. Don’t tell me this couldn’t be one of the most captivating things ever put to film.
Samuel Fuller vs. John Carpenter. I don’t have a real good reason for this one. They actually kind of look the same to me. And they both seem hard as nails when they want to be.
Werner Herzog vs. Errol Morris. I know these guys are friends and that any fight would actually turn into an interview with Morris asking the most amazing questions and Herzog giving the most fascinating answers. In fact, why isn’t something like this already out there for me to view? Or am I just not aware of it?
Yuen Woo-ping vs. George Lucas. Come on, you want to see Lucas get his teeth kicked in don’t you?
Lucas. he looks like a pussy and he deserves it and then some for the fprgettable prequels :D
We enter the arena…fire lit tiki torches surround the pit.
First: a fight to the death with M. Night Shymalan a la ‘Kickboxer’ with fists dipped in glue and broken glass. Relentless fits of rage for ‘Lady in the Water’. Shymalan hits the ground mutilated beyond belief never to make another film again. ‘Wind Bender’ is pulled from theatres before it debuts…
Next: a match with George Lucas with rusty nail bats. He gets mashed to an unrecognizable broken bloody meatloaf mess. The blood thirsty crowd cheers as his bloated fatness topples never to touch Star Wars again. His crimes against the series have only partially been avenged with his death. Damage has already been done.
Finally: James Cameron enters the arena. He is quick, almost too quick. I swing my Conan size sword but Cameron triggers an avatar hologram that helps him battle me. I make quick waste of it slicing the blue beast down the middle spilling its blue-black guts everywhere. Cameron staggers and I seize my opportunity slicing his legs off, he falls. He begs for his life. I hold my sword to his throat, his long silver hair blowing in the wind…his filmography flashes before my eyes. His 80’s and early 90’s films have saved his life.
I lower my sword, allowing him to live, and then he speaks. “Thank you. Avatar 2 will be even better than the first I promise” I raise my massive sword and in one fell swoop swiftly decapitate his bulbous head. It rolls into a small puddle of blood and piss.
Tim Burton or Wes Anderson. Both of them have an annoying presence and who wouldn’t want to kick the crap out of some indie hipster god? I bet both would break down in tears at the first punch though.
Well, Cameron is a given, Tarantino is a given.
I am so down with Miasma. I would love to scrap with Peckinpah and Eastwood!!
Can you imagine, William Holden and Ernest Borgnine on the set up of “The Wild Bunch”? Borgnine would hold you while Peckinpah tries to knock your lights out!! Then we’d all go get smashed at some local dive bar.
Hmm, Clint Eastwood on the set of a Sergio Leone film…breaking a chair over your back then his head on some dump south of Madrid.
Gotta love it!!
Uwe Boll. He has no reason to do anything, even offend people. He does it for the sake of doing it. I think I could kick his ass.
Even though I like him, I’ll say David Lynch because I think it would be strange.
Gotta go with Tarantino there. Would love to kick him in his bitch-ass chin..
Brett fucking Ratner. I tend to stay peaceful, left leaning and lack in killer instinct, but I’d make an exception for that idiot.
Ohhh!! nice one Roger!! I’ll help you with that clod.
How about Michael Bay? Anyone else want a piece of him? Let’s thump him before he
unleashes TransIII on us.
ha- ha— great topic!
I’d LOVE to have a round with Orson Welles… because I think the fucker could have put on a good fight.
I would love to fight a young Jerry Lewis. Or any of the first French New wave guys… and Todd Solondz as well.
As other people have said, I’d love to put Tarantino in his place. I saw an interview with him where he was telling some paparazzi he would beat him up if there weren’t cameras.
I’d see if he actually could back that up and put up a good fight.
I think I could take Jon Favereu(Sp?) as long as I could keep my shirt on. I’m self concious.
deepbluevelvet
I’ll join you, I’ve a got bone to pick with him too.