STOP THE LISTS!

Let’s play Guess What Happens Next!

4:15 A.M.- I woke up and went back to sleep.
5:25- Mom woke me up and I get ready for my driving test.
5:45- We get to the car. Mom is driving.
5:46- ?

You crash.

@wu yong: Nope.

A squirrel, crazy with rabies (rhymes), jumps on top of your windshield and menacingly gnashes his teeth at you.

@wu yong: That would’ve made my morning more surreal. But no.

Those are the only two things I can imagine that could happen in a car that early in the morning.

I woke up at three and watched a movie. I don’t know why.

But I know humans can’t be helped, they see it’s summer and have to ‘cool off’ by wasting tons of water to swim in each other’s pee in.

LOL!

OK! Here’s the answer:

5:46- My mom fucks up a side mirror by skidding it onto the garage wall.

5:47- Me, my mom, and my sister argue about what we’re gonna do. We then try to fix the mirror
6:10- We “fix” it. With packaging tape.
6:30-ish- We finally get there.
6:35- We practice a few rounds of parallel parking.
6:40-?

Aside: Wondering to express dissatisfaction in a thread response or by creating a half-amusing meme . . .

“6:40-?”

Mirror breaks again.

—DiB

You passed your driving test, Dude! Right? :)

Here’s the sad answer:

6:40- We learn that we had to get an appointment for a driving test instead of a first come, first served basis.

7:00- Waiting.
7:30-Waiting.
Alternate universe intrusion! 8:20- Passed my driving test like a boss.
8:00 to 9:45 – Doors finally open. We schedule an appointment. All that stuff.
10:05- We go to a dealership to get the mirror fixed.
10:30- Waiting.
11:15- Mirror gets fixed. But it’s permanently angled a bit downwards.
11:20- We finally drive home.
11:35-?

Wait – did you pass your driving test at 8:20? I’m confused now…

Also, is this in New York City? Cause I didn’t realize they had roads, DMV’s, or car dealerships there. Or even garages, for that matter.

And finally, what time was the appointment you got?

@DFFOO: No, it’s what I think happened if I was in an alternate universe. This is in Houston. I’m gonna be doing it (finally) on July 12 at around 9 in the morning.

What??? I thought you lived in New York!! In Lena Dunham’s mom’s apartment!

Oh ok, well at least you have an appointment, although I guess it sucks that you have to wait until July 12. On the bright side, though, that is exactly one month after my birthday, so it’s probably lucky.

@DFFOO: Oh, I wish! Then I would make you all jealous by bragging about how great sex with Lena Dunham was.

^ Sex with Lena Dunham? It didn’t seem that good in the movie. Although I think it was more that disgusting guy who ruined it. I’m sure sex with Lena Dunham could be pretty great. But I think Lena Dunham’s sister is more your type, Dude.

Why did I think you lived in New York?

EDIT: Oh I guess your edit answers my question… still I think her sister is more your type.

@DFFOO: I dunno. Maybe because I’m a teenager with an appetite for all kinds of movies :D

Are you sure you didn’t say before that you lived in New York? Have you been living in Houston this whole time?

Ok, I’m sure of it. You’re profile used to say that you lived in nyc! The jig is up!!

@DFFOO: Oh yeah, I did say that once in the About Me section. I think the reason why I “lied” was because I thought of this profile as a projection of what I am and what I want to be. I wanted to live in NYC (though nowadays, I don’t want to), so I put that. But yeah, I live in Houston.

The answer:

11:35- On the highway along the feeder road that we were driving in, a horse carrier was in flames. (Or was it a tanker? I don’t remember)

11:36- ?

Ooooooooh ok. Well I’m happy that’s all cleared up! Anyway, what’s Houston like? My Uncle Kenny lives in Kingwood – do you know him? I don’t really like the area north of Houston very much, but I’ve never been into the actual city.

@DFFOO: I don’t like it. Traffic is the worst round here. Mildly acceptable music and film scene. Not much hipsters though.

11:36- hours later: No traffic movement?

11:36 — TIME STOPS.

THIS ROGER WATERS ALBUM IS FANTASTIC. EVERYONE MUST KNOW.

OK, WE NOW KNOW.

STOP YELLING AT ME.