STOP THE LISTS!

Well I wasn’t really talking about Mubi relationships, but yeah, that too. I’m more noodling over this whole antibully cause getting mainstream attention across the US.

—DiB

Yeah, I know. I just thought I’d make it local to give light to the large point.

I have two daughters whom I’m trying to raise as strong as they can be. The oldest has had to deal with bullies—both the physical kind and the more insidious kind that’s emotional and truly driven by the mothers of said children.

In the former case it’s easy—I taught her to hit back. And the bullies receded. In the latter case it’s much more difficult and we’ve had long conversations about psychology and motivations and why certain unhappy people try to make your life unhappy. One of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to tackle has been to persuade my A honor role teacher’s pet daughter (who was used to universal acceptance at an earlier age) that there are jealous people out there that, though they try to hurt you, are really all about hurting themselves—making up for their own shortcomings or those of their parents. This is really tough stuff for a nine year old, but such is life. Fascinating and crucial—I’m doing everything I can to help her surface as a confident, extroverted young lady.

I do think psychological bullying has increased, but the flip side of that is that children have very thin skin nowadays. Children are raised in an environment where everything is padded and bubble wrapped to the point where it’s impossible to skin their knees and have it so good they are rarely disappointed. So by the time they get to school they haven’t developed coping mechanisms. Not only that, they’ve been trained to feel that whenever they don’t get what they want, it’s an adult’s job to instantly rectify the situation. I’ve heard stories of people in their 20s who have their parents call their bosses on their behalf, and that’s a direct result of this parenting culture.

odd choice for Russell Crowe

Directed by Rza. Hmm, I’m sure that’s going to be a winner.

The issues of someone being upset because they don’t ‘get what they want’ and psychological bullying are, to my mind, two different things. However, while I agree it’s important to develop in such a way so that these things don’t get to one’s self, I find the ‘you need to get thicker skin’-type comments, frankly, insulting. Whether intended or not, and probably not, there’s something suggestive of ‘blame the victim’ which places less on the perpetrator(s) and almost none on society at large. Even if a victim of such bullying ignores or puts up with it, it doesn’t go away and may even be directed at another person. Because such people intend to hurt and specifically target those who will be by their harassment.

There are those who will be affected by it and still manage to move on, but also those who will be and can’t. It’s those cases which trouble me the most.

@Black Irish

It’s not the same thing, but they’re both related to a child’s ingrained instincts for how to deal with things. Whereas children used to learn to find ways to handle it on their own, now they are being trained to just run to an adult to solve all their problems.

Adult intervention doesn’t prevent teasing, it intensifies it, and prevents children from learning social skills in the manner nature intended.

Don’t get the wrong impression from me either, Black Irish. I grew up on the ‘Teased’ side of things. I was wimpy and cried a lot and had a few disgusting habits. I strongly believe that if my parents’ hadn’t coddled me so much I would have learned how to deal with people a lot earlier.

When parents hover over their children and intervene the moment another kid says an unkind word about them, it’s the same as picking them up and carrying them whenever they start trying to walk.

Falderal : my dad quoted that Marx Brothers scene all the time.

Bronco : I loved Faerie Tale Theatre!!

I don’t necessarily disagree with what you’re saying, about needing to develop social skills and it is important. However, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with intervention if only to see just how seriously affected a child may be by teasing. Even if children dealt with it on their own more in the past, I think you could argue that, at their worst that is, children can be more cruel now. Also, intervention need not necessarily be made by an adult, one’s peers can do so as well. It’s the idea that one can stand by and watch someone being harassed while doing nothing which angers me most. Especially considering that it has, in many cases, led to suicide even by those who otherwise were fairly well adjusted, socially-speaking, or seemingly happy. Afterall, one can seemingly be coping with bullying but simply are hiding the pain from friend and family, for a number of reasons.

I was teased as well which is why I felt compelled to contribute to the discussion in the first place. I’m not sure how coddled I was, maybe no more than the average child [possibly somewhat less,] outside of venting concerns to my mother. I was an extremely shy and socially awkward child with no close friends before being teased and even though, in my own opinion, it was nowhere as bad as what I’ve read about others experiencing, it only made things worse for me afterward, to the point where I feel extremely self-conscious of myself and anxious of dealing with people in my own agegroup [even though I’m well aware most of them have matured.]

Simply, I don’t see this as an either/or situation and that it’s a much more complex issue than I think we, as a society, give it credit for. Something that can’t be handled by just the victim or parents or teachers or peers or laws but involving some sort of interaction between them all, depending on the individual circumstances.

Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t say any more as I think I’m starting to take this too personally.

I loved Faerie Tale Theatre!!

I didn’t know it existed! it looks magical

It was great. It aired on PBS in late ’80s I think.

gee i should know it than… i missed everything as a kid apparently. between that and those anti-meth ads

Hey, at least there’s still the anti-smoking commercials.

Oh have they stopped the anti-meth ads?

I really want to watch Fairy Tale Theatre. I worked on the book binding for the DVDs and I love reading over it. There so many great actors involved.

i don’t know. samantha posted one a while back from the 90’s and i’d never seen it before. it seems like it’s a pretty popular drug nowadays though, so i wouldn’t be surprised if they still did em. i don’t have tv anymore so i wouldn’t know

Perhaps the new anti-drug thing at the moment is ‘bath salts.’

i’m reading about it now tommy. episodes directed by francis ford coppola and tim burton? the sets look pretty rad. apparently there’s an episode where the set is inspired by cocteau’s beauty and the beast?

Perhaps the new anti-drug thing at the moment are ‘bath salts.’

from what i understand, i think ‘bath salts’, or MDPV is illegal now in the US, so i’m sure people will most likely stop doing them since i think the point of bath salts was that the stuff in them was legal. they’re supposed to be similar to meth. i think that the florida zombie dude was on several different drugs, and it was most likely pcp that made him wig out

The real question is, who’s going to get custody of Suri?

faerie tale theatre ruled :’(

So The General is racist. Learn something new every day on MUBI.

i’ve never been a huge fan of the general but he is on the confederate side, no?

however i don’t support any statements made by cinemolesters shudder

Yes, but if it’s the only argument for it being racist, then it’s pretty weak.

it’s seems sorta silly that somebody who named their website cinemolesters would actually be offended by rascism in the general…

Particularly when a greater argument could be made for The Playhouse being so.

Methinks I smell a troll.

haha, good point