All together now: “Hi, Bob.”
Truth be told, Mr. S., I don’t fear your posts. Call me an enabler, but, refreshingly, you have something to say. Unlike yours truly, for instance, who, when asked to come up with areas of expertise in a prior thread, caught himself holding the short straw, the unarmed man in a battle of wits. So post on, Sir Robert. Threaten your phaseout all ye may, but please don’t ever truly leave us. Because if my voice has to fill your void, there’s gonna be some awfully disappointed folks in these parts.
I’m not a junkie (yet), as today marked my first time ever posting on the website, but I can already see that this is going to be a major distraction from more productive things I should be doing (like the English paper that I should be writing right now).
hi. my name is bobby wise. i’m an auteurholic.
i knew i was addicted to this site the minute i first laid eyes on the forum. like it was something i’d been waiting for without even knowing it. its impossible for me to stop. i check the forum more than i check my own email (and that’s a LOT). when i’m doing work on the computer, there’s two programs i keep open at all times. one is skype. the other is a web tab with the auteurs open and ready.
i get mad when people dont respond quick enough. then i get mad when a lot of people respond and i spend hours without even knowing it. it’s 5 in the morning, and i’m writing this post now. i dont like not checking this site for a day or more. i feel like i did as a kid, when my friends hung out or went to a party and i didn’t go. like i might have missed out on the greatest thing in the world, somehow.
I don’t post a whole lot, but i check the site and criterions site for updates multiple times a day.
As soon as I discovered this site, I noted on my Facebook status that I was probably going to move here permanently. Looks like I have. Same problem as Bob: I just have to click on the link to see what everyone is discussing. I once let a day or two go by, but I think that had something to do with a power outage.
BOB, you always start great threads so please don’t mention anything about restrictions and all that rubbish. It’s all good!
Ha-ha, BOBBY you’ve got some problems, man. “Auteurholic” – I like that!
I got to this site by accident a month ago, and since I’ve been visiting this site as much as I can even while deployed. I agree it’s the next best thing since free porn. The thing with war, unlike in the films – there’s plenty of boring, tedious downtime. Before a mission, lads normally just play cards, music, wank, banter, nap, smoke, write emails – now I usually check the site if net time is available. This site is like one of my few contacts to the outside world. Hey, maybe I’ll mention the term Auteurholic on my next psych evaluation with those pretty Navy headshrinkers at Veterans. She’d think I’m crazy or just trying to get under her skirt, hoping for a discharge so I’ll have more time to check this site. It’s too late to turn back ,so just keep on posting, junkies!
Hi, I’m Shinichi. I’m a recovering auteurholic. Today, I was feeling a little nervous and giddy, so I used again. Just a couple of posts. I mean… that’s not a big deal right? Someone, please help me!
My auteurholicism makes my heroin habit seem like nothing.
I managed cinephile status in, like, three weeks of posting, so I guess that would make me qualified for this thread. I don’t feel obsessed, though. I usually spend about two seconds decided what I’m going to write, though, and it’s usually only one or two sentences, so that’s probably why it feels like I don’t post that much. I don’t have the desire to write really long posts yet. Someone is going to have to really annoy me to provoke that.
Noel: Where are you stationed? Sorry to be so nosy. : P
I’m the worlds crappiest typist, therefore I have no problem.
@SHELLEY It’s ok, luv. I’m home stationed in San Diego Calif. “on paper”. I’m a Navy combat cameraman/ photo journalist, so we’re expeditionary, meaning deployed overseas all the time in places like Iraq… and many places that come out (or not) on the nightly news. I’d rather be enjoying a film fest, dammit!
I am the proverbial Old Bull Lee of The Auteurs. The only thing I can say of the forum is this: it is the blackest of plagues, and unlike any other drug, you cannot die of this addiction, just wear out your brain cells late into the night, night after night, until you have to take a cold turkey session and sweat it out in a darkened room until sanity returns. But then you’ll be back. It worms its way into your brain with some cinephiliac craving or other, or an idea about Garage, and so on and so forth.
4 weeks, no posts. Now I’m back.
Login, tie the arm, ready the needle.
i like the name Tobias. Tobias Tobias Tobias, It’s just fun to say!
I can see your point here. I definitely get sucked in and lose vast amounts of time somehow…somewhere…on this site. I want a damn cinephile beside my name, what do I have to do :-(
Oh gosh, can’t type that long here…I have so much to read and comment on…it’s a sickness. A joyous one.
TM: Watch out you auteurholics – Tobias is back to kick your habit back into shape!
Well, I have been on here only for a short time, but I too can see where this is heading….in addition to music/hi-fi/recording sites, I now have one more regular habit to ensure I’ll never become a responsible citizen. And of course, the more I read here, the more I want to buy Criterion releases, so it’s really very bad all around.
Maybe there’s a new underclass in the making: the homeless cinephile, pushing his cart full of Fellini, Bergman, Welles and his portable DVD player, forever looking for publicly accessible AC outlets. “Brother, can you spare a dollar so I can get ‘Floating Weeds’?”
lol Claus — that reminds me of Videodrome, where the homeless shelter lets them watch tv instead of feeding them. “Patching them back in to the world’s mixing board.”
Here’s my all-time favorite joke:
So a guys walking down the street. He sees a friend of his approaching him, and his friend has a little band-aid on his forehead. And the guy goes, “Hey, what happened?” And the friend goes, "Oh my God, this was nuts, man I was at this rooftop party, on the 12th floor, sitting on the edge, and a huge gust of wind comes, blows me off the building Twelve stories up. Unbelievably, there are these two clotheslines about three stories down that break my fall. I sort of bounce over them, and end up hitting this awning, and then I bounce off the awning into this pile of mattresses, and then I bounce off the pile of mattresses and get flung up another 20 feet in the air. I’m like, “Oh, shit,” but then I land on this open truck that’s hauling marshmallows. And, you know, I scratched my forehead with my finger at one point." And the guys like, “Holy shit! You must be the luckiest man alive” And his friend goes," No, no, no. That’s Jim Belushi."
Two peanuts walking through a back alley, one was assaulted.
Noel: Thanks for answering! Your work sounds very interesting (frightening, as well, but certainly interesting). Wouldn’t we all rather be at a film festival? :)
Bob, I really appreciate your thoughtful and longish posts, provocations, and questions. So if you’re addicted, you help make the forum addictive. Does that make me an enabler?
I have barely thrown my two cents on the forum beyond the basic lists, but I already need help. Just lost my job and this site is not helping with the rebuilding process. Once I am working again though, I hope to play on the level. It’s been fun reading a lot of the work on here. Also looking to hook up with young NYC based filmmakers.
First though, gotta get a fackin’ job.
Maybe there’s a new underclass in the making: the homeless cinephile, pushing his cart full of Fellini, Bergman, Welles and his portable DVD player, forever looking for publicly accessible AC outlets. “Brother, can you spare a dollar so I can get ‘Floating Weeds’?”
Oh I feel yer pain.
A guy with a giant orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, “How did you get that giant orange head?”
The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, ’ I’ll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire… what is your first wish?’
I said, ’ I’d like all the money I could ever spend.’ The genie went Poof!, and there it was, all the money I could ever spend.
Then he said, ’ what is your second wish?’ I said, ’ I’d like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.’ The genie went Poof!, and there she was, a gorgeous woman who immediately loved me.
“Then the genie said, ‘and what is your third wish?’… and I think this is where I went wrong… I said, I would like a giant orange head.”
You jokesters keep this up and I’ll soon be cured of my new and troublesome addiction.
Bob, it is so funny (alarming? synchronistic? apt?) that you began this support group just as I too was getting hip to the fact that this darn website (forum, library, the works) has now taken the place of sleep in my life. I had just spoken of the problem to a couple of friends today! You too, huh?
You know the alternative title for Let’s Get Lost? Let’s Get Lots.
(addicts everywhere love that one)
A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment. -Frank Zappa
Paging Mickey Rourke…
Bob Stutsman
This is a thread for frequent, might we say obsessive, posters only. I promised several threads (see Krapp’s Last Thread) ago that I would stop compulsively posting to everything, pitching new topics, responding to everything – in short, that I would stop. However, I cannot tear myself away from the site. I turn on the computer, check email, plan to do something constructive with my computer time, then I just (fatally) decide to check out the auteurs for a quick peek. Invariably, I get sucked in and start to post, and post… For those few of you (I know who you are) that share my addiction, this is the thread to come to unwind and try to break the auteurs habit – long enough to get on with your life.
Some of you could say to us frequent posters – “Just say no,” but you know how that works with teenagers when applied to sex and drugs. One of my poster buddies said that the auteurs site was the best thing since free porn on the internet, and I couldn’t agree more – it can be just as addictive as porn (or so I am told) in any case. I could propose that the site restrict us to no more than a certain number of postings per minute, per hour, per day, per year – and then cut us off – like good bartenders at a bar. I am suggesting a temporary ban on posters who have reached a maximum of a few hundred posts in the course of a few weeks (say 500???). I have only been here a few weeks, and I am on my way to 300 posts, to all topics, many that I have created myself like the Frankenstein monster. Since I am trying to kick the habit, get back to a sane and healthy life, see my wife every now and then, even (gasp) watch a film, I just need to come here to share my guilt and shame with other frequent posters. With your help, I can kick the habit, and return to just reading the odd bit and making the odd (all my comments fall into this category) comment. Your support and encouragement would be appreciated, as we are all in this together.
I will be strong, I will NOT post ad naseum. And to those other frequent poster our there: I feel your pain. Share your stories and strategies for recovery.