You’re not secretly PT Anderson are you?
since you mention kevin smith.
i hate magnolia. it has the most illogical course of emotions. the drama is as half baked as anything found in a daytime soap opera. the diologue is beyond stupid (minus the tom cruise bits). every cinematic gesture is painfully derivitive. it’s not as brave as people think it is.. if you had the money you can make frogs fall from the sky too. three hours is too much for a movie that bad. boo.
haha yeah! share the hate.
I’ve got to agree with Mao. After cringing through the 3 hour boat crash that is Magnolia, I was left stupefied.
Until the 10th of October 2008, I had never walked out of a film before. I have faithfully adhered to the idea that you cannot judge anything unless you have seen it through, and even then you have to be careful, because we all have blind spots. I have always believed that if someone has made a film, and you’ve started watching it, you should do right by whoever it is has created the thing and open your mind. I do this because I like to think that people might do the same for me one day.
But all this righteous crap broke the other night when I sat through the first 20 odd minutes of CHOKE (dir. Clark Gregg). This is the worst piece of shit pap bullshit tedious sexist inane unfunny puerile miserable pathetic excuse for a film I have ever seen. Recycling ideas from Fight Club (ah the one tone author that is Chuck Palahniuk!), I was utterly insulted by the snide idea that somehow this self-congratulatory piece of digital, toneless crap was subversive, witty or intelligent.
So I walked. And I made disaffected, pissed off I-wasted-my-money noise as I did so, and made other people feel uncomfortable because they weren’t walking out as well. And I don’t care.
Was the source of the problem principally the Palahniuk book? Or Gregg’s direction?
Gregg’s direction is flat, the tone of the film is snide and empty, despite the presence of Anjelica Huston. Unless it went through hoops after minute 20, there was nothing to indicate any momentum. And yes, the script is extracted from the book, which appears to be a rehash of Fight Club but set in a world of sex addicts— uses exactly the same devices, but without any of the seething violence, satire or spirit of rebellion. Imagine Fight Club re-written/plagiarized by a teenager (or an established writer with serious block and/or extremely limited life experience to draw upon) whose favorite film is a tits-out shlock comedy that mocks everything it sets out to portray, revels in the idea that fuck is a dirty word because (gasp!) you have to be naked to do it, and perversion, child abuse and neurosis are sniggeringly funny.
Or maybe I’m just getting old. Who finances this shit? Oh no wait, of course, big names attached… no one even reads the screenplay do they? I’m sick of this STUPID IS COOL vogue. If this ranks as independent cinema then may IC die a quick and painful death by lethal injection, so that something new can emerge. I hereby declare that INTELLIGENCE IS THE NEW BLACK.
Dear Mr. Smith, er….Kevin
How on earth did you trick Vilmos Zsigmond to shoot that one movie with Will Smith I mean Jennifer Lopez I mean Ben Affleck you know that one movie where you were going to show the world the “sensitive” side of you. That one movie that made you decry “I will never make another film er….cinematic jerk off with Jay and Silent Bob”. You had yourself convinced those days of fart, dick and chronic jokes were over, no more would we be invited to the world of two losers hanging outside of a convenience store because it’s such a fresh idea. Then something awful I mean wonderful happened……………Jersey girl really sucked which is wonderful, but then again awful because what was the first thing you did following the monumental disappointment? That’s right Kevin you went right back to your cash cow, your bread and butter, your unsensitive material and created Clerks II and tried to make us believe that Rosario Dawson would fall in love with whatever that guys name is. I mean are you serious Kevin, Clerks II. Now I see you have a new sophomoric production about a couple making a porno which is only a vehicle and an excuse for a Chronic and Bluntman cameo I’m sure. We wait with baited breath Mr. Smith for your profound one line of dialog that’s suppossed to make us think. “Wow this guy really is smart” It’s the whole theory of business, commercials and corporation Kevin and you follow it well. Dumb down the audience with gag after gag of the lowest substance and terrible “witty” one liners and then when you’ve fried nearly all of their brain cells you can come in at the end(after you’ve remained silent)and throw out that one perfect line that at the time seems genius, but only because you’ve made us feel so dumb. Oh how I bet you strain over that one line for months and months, while you write the rest of the script in minutes. Anyway sir I’ve given you enough of my time and money so for now I will sign off I mean jerk off because that’s a more funny thing to say……get it.
Sincerely yours,
Mark
I think T is overreacting. Choke was a fine film.
I think T is overreacting. Choke was a fine film.
i have only ever walked out of one film, and that film was transformers. we made the mistake of going to a midnight screening of it, post-drinks of the alcoholic variety, so it never stood a chance really.
on a related note i just dont understand the popularity of shia lebouef. hes like a poor mans screech powers.
MAO- THANK YOU- I think Paul Thomas Anderson SUCKS. Derivative, superficial and so regressive. I don’t purely hate too many directors, but I can’t stand that guy.
Adam- Have you watched A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints?
Adam- Have you watched A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints?
Adam- Have you watched A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints?
Nawid—- “Choke is a fine film” – care to elaborate? I mean I fully admit that I barely watched the thing. Maybe I missed something, like another pair of tits, or a joke about incest (especially if it’s an old woman, with saggy tits, because old women, well they’re just …gross, comic, derisible, aren’t they?)… man, I mean what would it take to get really good, satirical? maybe some kind of wind up the oh so obvious straitlaces with a spitball of blasphemy: something like… the lead character is genetical engineered from a cell graft originating on Jesus’s foreskin: yes, that would get everyone going, give them something deeper to chew on. hmmmm….and maybe in the end one of the main characters could turn out to be mad? damn that’s twisty.
or it’s Fight Club drowned in a vat of Animal House and filmed on a camcorder.
nawid – no i havent. im a big downey jr fan so have always intended to, im sure i will eventually.
in related news i adore paul thomas anderson. i genuinely think that “there will be blood” is the best film iv ever seen upon its theatrical release.
“Fight Club drowned in a vat of Animal House and filmed on a camcorder.”
hahahaha, Couldn’t have said it better myself. Chuck P is a god awful writer and I couldn’t expect more of his adaptations.
Bambi sucked. There. I said it.
cant really stand PT Anderson either, howver i loved there will be blood.
enjoyed choke, but its probably a guilty pleasure.
must be honest, i hated inland empire. David Lynch is one of if not my favorite director and most of his movies are on my to movie list, but this one left me cold
I hated There Will Be Blood. I was so excited about it, and liked it up to a certain point. But near the end, the guy just kept making THE WORST CHOICES, to the point where it started to be hilarious. I get that that’s the point, but somewhere along the line I got so pissed off at the guy that I didn’t care anymore what happened to him. I would have cracked up at the last scene more than I did if there hadn’t been so many people in the theater. That movie isn’t a drama; it’s a comedy.
I hated There Will Be Blood. I was so excited about it, and liked it up to a certain point. But near the end, the guy just kept making THE WORST CHOICES, to the point where it started to be hilarious. I get that that’s the point, but somewhere along the line I got so pissed off at the guy that I didn’t care anymore what happened to him. I would have cracked up at the last scene more than I did if there hadn’t been so many people in the theater. That movie isn’t a drama; it’s a comedy.
I grew up with Transformers, the toys and the show, and they have remained near and dear to my heart ever since. So you can understand the horror with which I received the news that my beloved franchise was in the hands of my arch-nemesis, Michael Bay (tied with Bruckheimer). Still, I finally made myself go to see it before it left the theaters, and it was every bit as terrible as I expected. Great effects, but so what? That’s the only positive thing I can say about any of his crap. But back to the original post – I’ve also been bewildered by the cult following Kevin Smith has inexplicably generated since he debuted with the all too mediocre Clerks. He’s not nearly as clever or funny or hip or audacious as he thinks he is, and most of his movies are just 90-minute masturbation sessions that cost a lot of money. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was torture. Please go away, Kevin, and think about what you’ve done. RE: Anderson – I get the Magnolia-bashing, but in my opinion he and his work are in a whole different league than Smith’s drivel.
requiem for a dream.
To Kevin Smith’s defense. He’s never claimed his films are high art. The man has a persona around making blue collar New Jersey comedies made for his friends and the folks with the kind of taste for that sort of thing. The reason he has a cult following is because people love the characters he writes about and that’s what strikes chords—- the films feel like they’re made by a friend you know. Friends who are not nearly as clever or funny or hip or audacious as they think they are. Who spend lots of money on their car or their camera or clothes despite how tacky it all adds up to be. There’s an honesty to that. It’s about making films for fun.
Back to hate.
PT Anderson sucks at everything except Punch Drunk Love which seems to have been made with—- at least —-a genuine enthusiasm for love and cinema. There Will Be Blood IS a comedy and that’s a good thing except it hits me as having the Ron Howard effect. Get a nice DP, a nice score, a nice this and that, and alakazam there’s a prestige picture. It wasn’t a director’s picture. It was an actor and cinematographers picture. Look at a film like Days of Heaven to see how you can choose all the nice elements and then infuse them with love and passion and bravura to make something substantial. Not just have a cranky old man chuckling and killing to make people laugh nervously into thinking it’s cinema. I hated this film until I realized that what the hell it’s nice to look at and chuckle with. Hmm, kinda like a Kevin Smith picture. Moving on.
“Sweet Movie” Crap. I’ve written two reviews on it on this site. Check em out.
And um. Chuck P. is the worst author I’ve ever had to endure people talking about.
There Will Be Blood was one of the most overrated movies of the year. Oscars? Pfft. Bad music, boring plot, Daniel Day Lewis was wholly uninspiring. What was the point in the end? I only watch til the end because of the infamous milkshake scene, which was in the end unfortunately, making me waste three hours of my time.
“He’s never claimed his films are high art.” Good point, and he does have a sense of humor about himself and his movies. That buys him some respect from me. I still say that Anderson is more talented and has a much finer body of work, but this isn’t a Smith vs. Anderson thread.
Haven’t seen There Will Be Blood yet, but I love me some Daniel Day Lewis.
Anyway, all this hate would be much more appropriate were it aimed at the Bays and Bruckheimers of the world. And maybe the Guy Ritchies.
i really hated last days, loved elephant and gerry, but HATED last days
Juan C.P.
I know there’s way too much hate in this world…
but I just have to say it…
I hate you Kevin Smith.
Sorry dude, I don’t get you…. and I’ve been generous eh… I saw your clercks, your chasing amy, your jay and silent bob piece of crap. I saw Dogma and mallrats. And still, after giving you a try time after time, I find your filmmaking appalling. I don’t quite understand why, oh why I saw so many of your films. But I hate that you have such a big group of followers. I hate the fact that people give you money to do films. I hate the fact that I saw you once on fifth avenue next to a beautiful model that was way taller than you. (I hate that the model wasn’t with me, yes I confess) To me, your name is synonym of that nasty after taste I get i when I eat in McDonalds.
There I said it.
Cheaper than therapy.
Kevin Smith followers… I apologize… well…not really…