the world's most wooden actors

clam, cool, dirty, strange, empty …

Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t really count as his first language isn’t English

What kind of silly logic is that?

For the same reason when Cliff Richard sings in German, you can’t really comment on his delivery.

James Stewart belongs nowhere near this list.

“you guys have a very strange idea of “wooden” and “no personality”
tom cruise? he cries, he screams, he freaks out, he smiles, he parties, etc. that’s not “wooden”.
clarke gable?”

Yeah, this was why I didn’t understand what the OP is asking for. I don’t consider either of those actors to be remotely wooden, or Tom Hanks, or James Stewart. Not saying that these are my favorite actors or anything, but they are far from wooden.

If anything Tom Cruise is melodramatic.

James Stewart’s delivery of words is like one long snore.

Arcanus, you have the most idiotic idea of “wooden” I’ve ever had the deep misfortune of stumbling across in the forestry of film analysis.

Fred Astaire: a stupid choice. Not the world’s greatest actor but hardly stiff and rigid. Great dancer, fair actor.

Charles Bronson: he can express emotions convincingly and has tonnes of screen charisma. Not a great range, but very believable within it.

Clark Gable: no personality? Please.

Gene Kelly: see entry for Fred Astaire.

James Mason: BLOODY SACRELIGIOUS BASTARD, YOU ARE, ARCANUS!

Arnold Schwarzenegger: even though he’s nicknamed “The Austrian Oak”, someone who yells, kicks, roars and gurns as much as Ah-nold doesn’t belong here. Plus he has personality by the bucketload (when given the right role). And he’s always had screen presence.

Sylvester Stallone: the fact you list Sly and not Chuck Norris, Arcanus, shows you have no right to compose such a list.

James Stewart: ludicrous choice.

Donald Sutherland: I think you need to actually try to understand what constitutes acting, Arcanus.

Someone like Mark Walmart should be near the top of your list, Arcanus. Default for whenever something exciting is happening and Mark Walmart must express something other than sleepwaling through a role: wide-eyed stare, much like a jackrabbit trapped in the headlight of a speeding truck, stand still, look clueless.

And the fact you disrespect the likes of Donald Sutherland, James Stewart, Clark Gable and James Mason, yet didn’t even think to suggest Steven Seagull pretty much sinks any credibility you may have in this field, Arcanus. He’s the most pathetic “big name” screen star I’ve ever seen. Yet he’s not suggested by your list.

(And his whole spiritual persona is more “sham” than “shaman”).

Keanau Reeves

> To “Mark D Vanselow”.
First, let me congratulate you on your hilarious nom de plume – is it an anagram of something?.
Second, your comments are pretty silly – James Mason in particular was a truly terrible actor who walked through every film like a zombie on Prozac. His performance in North by NorthWest is particularly disastrous and his appearance in Odd Man Out is a disgrace to the thespian profession: he didn’t even attempt an Ulster accent, despite being supposedly an Ulsterman in Belfast.
Thirdly, your suggestion of Stevan Seagal [I don’t THINK his surname is spelled “Seagull”, but I could be wrong, I’d bow to your superior (!) knowledge, although I’d take a £100 bet on your being wrong] is quite good.
Fourthly, you criticise my mentioning Kelly and Astaire – why? I was castigating their acting, not their dancing – I agree they were both excellent hoofers.
Fifthly, thank you for suggesting Mark Walmart – I thought that was a shop, not an actor.
Sixthly, if you look back to the original posting, I was not asking for snide comments on my list of suggestions – it was merely a list of people to consider and to add to. You need to accept that different people have different opinions and you should respect that rather than try to be a “know-it-all”.

ARCANUS:

I stopped reading your above post right after you suggested my name is a “nom de plume” and an “anagram.”

Mark D. Vanselow.

It happens to be my real name (full legal name Mark David Vanselow, if you must know).

The fact you would look at my name, find it “hilarious” (there’s nothing riotously hysterical about my name—are you one of those idiots who laughs out loudly at inappropriate moments during films?) and think it to be fraudulent tells me even more about your rampant stupidity than your lousy choices for “wooden” thespians.

Speaking of “nom de plumes”, yours would be all the more felicitous if you dropped the “arc” from yours, as the remaining letters would spell the part of your body from which you speak.

Next time, get your facts in order, before accusing me of using a pseudonym on this site…pathetic, little man, just pathetic.

Speaking of “nom de plumes”, yours would be all the more felicitous if you dropped the “arc” from yours, as the remaining letters would spell the part of your body from which you speak.

^ This comment made me laugh out loud. It’s funny because I don’t have problems seeing Arcanus speaking from said area.

I think Raymond Massey was carved.

I really don’t think Cruise is “wooden”… EYES WIDE SHUT and MAGNOLIA say it all. He’s made some excessively bad career choices, but that’s a different story.

I’d say George Clooney. He is known only for one role, the role he seems to take on in every film he’s in… the role of George Clooney.

David Duchovny.

I think, however, that Duchovny learned his woodenness on The X-Files, which is a sci-fi police procedural TV drama. One of the qualifications for lead actors on police procedural dramas is that they be dull.

To “Mark D. Vanselow” —→ Oh my, aren’t we the sensitive one? Just because someone finds your name a little ridiculous, you have to be offensive. It was an honest mistake, dearie. Gosh, but that bit about dropping the “Arc” from “Arcanus” is incredibly witty; that must have taken you hours to think up. And to think I actually have heard it before! Wow!

May I take this opportunity to explain to you how to form the plural of nom de plume since you seem to totally ignorant of French? Literally it means “name of pen” (ie pen name); now the plural of “pen name” is NOT pens-name, is it? Similarly you pluralise the nom not the plume which makes the plural noms de plume. I hope you appreciate how I try to help the less well-educated. Since your knowledge of Latin is probably even less than your acquaintance with the French language, I suggest you look up “Arcanus” and then you will [a] know what it means, and [b] know that the 2nd “a” in “Arcanus” rhymes with “bar”, not “bay”. Perhaps you should have stayed awake in school. Perhaps we could end our little squabble now, as I have no wish to lower myself to your level of being childishly insulting.

To other commentators: thank you for your suggestions of David Duchovny and George Clooney; I was thinking of including Mr Clooney in the list originally, based on what people have told me – however, since I have never actually seen him in action (so to speak!) i felt it was unfair.

And Maximilian is probably right – Cruise occasionally plays someone who is not actually Cruise, I suppose.

Woody Allen.

Keanu Reeves

Agreed, big time, Kate! He was especially hilarious in Dracula. Then again so was Wynona. Then again, Gary Oldman camped it up badly. That film sucked. (to me)

Poor Keanu.

Well he was ok in The Matrix…

Haha, can’t stand The Matrix. But otherwise, Keanu has my favorite negative presence, well, ever.

The funny thing about Keanu Reeves is that in some films his “negative” presence is what sells it. It’s for precisely that reason that I think he’s fabulous in A Scanner Darkly… and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but that’s a different story.

I want to see A Scanner Darkly — was it good?

Odi – I want to see a A Scanner Darkly – was it good?

Yes. It’s really good. I found it a little off-putting the first time through, but repeat viewings have yielded good things for me.

Everybody in l’Argent.

Laurence Harvey
Stephen Boyd
Cliff Robertson
John Cusack
Art Garfunkel
Charles Bronson
Edward Fox

Very good list, Jaspar. Another vote for Stephen Boyd! Any more for Irish Steve? Fox is good too.

^John Cusack??

Jim Carrey
Al Pacino
Paul Reubens
Klaus Kinski
Lou Costello

I don’t think I’m getting the hang of this …

Dear Pmarasa: You are correct. You haven’t got the hang of it. You picked 5 actors, three of whom are anything but wooden (Pacino, Kinski and the supremely unfunny but frenetically unwooden Carrey). I assume you mean Costello from Abbott & Costello. The Reubens one I have never heard of.