Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is by far the worst movie of 2008. No movie made me more angry. I was even on board with the 1950’s atomic age and alien angle. Horrible script, horrible acting (was that just a lumpy bag of bones stood up to look like Harrison Ford?), horrible sets, even the lighting was bad. This movie is proof that having all the money, resources, talent and time in the world is not the formula which yields the best film.
The only other movie that came anywhere close to making me as angry was Burn After Reading.
So for these wastes of time, energy and celluloid I say, “Fuck You” to Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Joel and Ethan Coen.
Huh, weird, BURN AFTER READING is among my favorites of ‘08, and I liked CLOVERFIELD as well. I make a separate category for films that simply don’t have much to recommend them (this year’s entries include SEMI-PRO, CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN and WANTED) and those that make me regret my ticket purchase. So, the films of 2008 that were not only bad (nothing fatal about bad-ness per se – I love many, many bad films), but offensively bad:
10,000 BC
BANGKOK DANGEROUS
THE HAPPENING (a movie I really wanted to like, by the way…)
HELLRIDE
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
HANCOCK
This is in rough reverse-order of relative hatred, by the way, though I could switch any of the last three around at any time, depending on my mood. Though I’m pretty sure HANCOCK will hang onto the bottom spot through the new year, but then I haven’t yet seen GRAN TURINO, THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON, THE SPIRIT or several other late-entry 2008 films that may qualify.
I hate Twilight, mainly because its so popular. The film itself is pretty harmless, I guess, but it kills me to see so many people absolutely going bonkers over a film that is so furiously generic and stupid. Theres so much better things to invest in, as I’m sure all of you know as you a frequenter of this site.
Come on guys…BEVERLY HILL CHIHUAHUA
I too disliked Burn After Reading, but probably not as much as you, Kyle.
Indiana Jones was both one of the worst films I’ve seen this year, and one of the best movie-going experiences. I went with a group of friends, one of whom got up during the vine swinging scene and yelled, “Nope!” and left, and the rest of us simply mocked the movie for two hours and watched what was happening before us in utter disbelief.
Also, after the movie was over, I saw a couple people who came into it super excited and dressed up like Harrison Ford shuffle quietly out of the theater, looking down at the floor the entire time, with their hats in their hands.
I don’t even recognize Haneke’s Funny Games remake as something that happened.
I loved FUNNY GAMES. I admit, I’m not sure why it’s a shot-for-shot remake (is he trying to open it up to a larger audience by making it an English film?), but I think he was certainly trying to make a statement by remaking it in the era where Saw and Hostel films are becoming the staples of the 2000s slasher genre. Examine the film and you’ll see it is quite smart and critical of the very genre it gets billed as.
But, to be fair…I can also see why some people don’t like it.
The thing about his Funny Games remake is this; The entire point of Funny Games (the original) is that this is something these two boys have been doing for quite some time. They’re on their own murderous rampage around this lake, going from one house to the next. It didn’t begin with the family shown in the film, and it doesn’t end with them.
This is a perfect set-up for an American “remake”, simply show these two characters, now english-speaking, dealing with another family. You can come up with new situations and tortures, but obviously these two boys have a particular way they like to do things, so some of it would be the same, naturally.
It would begin the same, and it would end the same (that’s the cycle of these boys), but the specifics between the beginning and end could be new. It was a missed opportunity.
The issue with “Funny Games” is something a lot of other critics touched upon. It’s Michael Haneke’s blind trust in his original that he felt no desire to change a single thing about the remake. It wasn’t just lazy filmmaking, but a shameless example of blowing your own horn. I didn’t have a single issue with the original, but when you see it, in English, remade almost 10 years later, Haneke didn’t even feel the need to perhaps update the “Beavis and Butthead” references? Were any of the people he’s wagging his finger at old enough to remember that show?
It was a disaster of ego and of marketing (the only way I could have applauded the decision was if the distributor decided to throw it onto 2000 screens across the US instead of leaving it for art house theatres, in which the majority of those patrons would have already seen the original and the people who perhaps “should” be seeing it wouldn’t drive out of their way). I expect more from Haneke.
Where to begin: “The Happening”, “Quarantine”, “Quantum of Solace”, “Four Christmases”, “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, “Righteous Kill”, “Mutant Chronicles”, “Hancock”, “Clone Wars”, “!0,000 BC”, “RocknRolla”, “Meet the Spartans”, “Disaster Movie”
Meet Dave
Indiana Jones…
I hated Juno. Alot. It seemed like a copy of so many better movies I’ve seen.
And I didn’t even see Clone Wars. But no Star Wars fan would see that shit.
And all the “Meet the spartans”, “Disaster Movie” kinda movies.
Those, most likely, sucked.
1. The Happening
2. Mamma Mia!
3. Zift
4. I’ve Loved You So Long
5. Zack & Miri Make A Porno
6. Hancock
7. Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
8. What Just Happened?
9. Fools Gold
10. Acolytes
Sorry.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull… In the words of the boys from South Park… they rapped Indiana Jones
RockNRolla. It was so bad that I didn’t even bother seeing it- I let Anthony Lane do it for me.
Lev,
What’s up with you listing I’ve Loved You So Long? It’s in my top 5 for 2008.
I avoid most movies that would even make the list but my “roommate” (Dad, I live in the basement) rents a lot of garbage and tries to force me to watch them, I decline and he’ll say “your loss”, which I think my gain (of two hours of my life).
One film I tried though was The Happening and it was turned off within less than 10. Times are hard enough that I couldn’t watch a bunch of dopes jump off buildings for two hours.
A real freaky suicide documentary was on IFC early this year about the Golden Gate bridge and that threw me out a whack for days. Its called The Bridge. It was based on the article Jumpers in the New Yorker.
http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact
SAW V
The Happening.
Mark Wahlberg’s acting left me looking for something to bludgeon myself with.
And of course, M. Night’s god-awful script and ridiculous storyline didn’t help much either.
I usually don’t bother seeing the movies I know are going to make these lists.
(10,000 BC, Indiana Jones, Mamma Mia!, Disaster Movie, Fool’s Gold, Four Christmases)
Lev, I’m rather pleased to see I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like ’I’ve Loved You So Long.’
The Wackness
The Other Boleyn Girl
Forgot that Juno was ’07.
What was wrong with Eight Miles High? It didn’t wow me or anything, but I rather enjoyed it as I recall.
Anyway, dudes — I saw An American Carol. So, unless someone saw Hero Movie or whatever, I’m pretty sure I win. I might win, anyway. It’s sort of unfair to judge An American Carol, though, because I went to laugh at how bad and offensive it is and, in that respect, I laughed my ass off.
Mamma Mia! was a very poorly made movie, there is no denying that, but I enjoyed the shit out of it, too. I love the songs and the ridiculousness of it all amused me to no end, and then the horrible direction and humiliating choreography, well, that put it over the edge. It might have been the most entertaining movie of the year for me. If you count the fact that the High School Musical 3 preview premiered before Mamma Mia! then it was the most entertaining movie of the year for me. I laughed so hard at the singing basketball scene in that preview that I started crying, before the movie even started! Ah, good times.
I thought ‘Eight Miles High’ was a horrible “biopic.” I forgot how much I hated ‘The Wackness,’ Maria!
Also, ‘Juno’ is 2007.
Yes, Saw V for sure.
A lady was snoring through half the movie in the theater, ha.
There are just too many to name……. Quantum of Solace was quite bad though.
The Wackness was so disappointing, but I wouldn’t consider it one of the worst of ’08. I wonder how it managed to garner so much Sundance hype?
Also, Jumper was probably the worst movie I’ve ever payed money for. I need to remind myself to stop going to theaters in January.
Nick & Norah’s Infinite Mixtape also stunk. I went it expecting a generic, focus-group crafted, innocuous, boring, wannabe “indie” comedy, but instead found it mean-spirited, crude and spiteful. It was boring though.
Are you a big Uschi fan, Joe? I didn’t know anything about her other than she was a model both Keith and Mick were after. Was she portrayed unfairly?
When the TOP FILMS of 2008 are the following, cinema has an issue.
1 The Dark Knight
2 Iron Man
3 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
4 Hancock
7 Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
8 Horton Hears a Who
9 Sex and the City
10 Mamma Mia!
Instead of the WORST
I’ll give my FAVS
Rambo
Atonement
Australia
Man on Wire
Transsiberian
The Dark knight
Diary of the Dead
Only the ones I’ve seen
Hell Ride. I was expecting a cool little B-movie biker film. Instead I got a script that wanted to be Tarantino and a cast who thought they were too cool for school…
Diary of the Dead was pretty bad too. I didn’t want to see it, but Romero might have done one too many zombie films
Joe Bowman
It always disappoints me that so few film critics release Worst of the Year lists, which are often more interesting than their “Best.” It’s also a difficult task in that you want to highlight more controversial choices but feel obliged to mention the obvious ones (like all of those “[blank] Movie” pieces of shit). In no particular order, here are mine (I’m not including ‘Synecdoche New York, which I hated, because I didn’t finish it, and that wouldn’t be totally fair):
The Unknown Woman
Garden Party
Nights and Weekends
Filth and Wisdom
Eight Miles High
Indiana Jones… (of course)
The Happening
Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild (putrid)
What We Do Is Secret
Cloverfield
City of Men
Drillbit Taylor
Funny Games (for reasons of necessity)
My pick for the most overrated film of 08: I’ve Loved You So Long