You know your a cinephile when?

You’ve seen these things before. You know your a musician when? You know your Canadian when? You might be a redneck if..

I’ll start it off.

You know your a cinephile when?

You laughed when you found out Pet Shop Boys did a soundtrack for Battleship Potemkin.

All your girlfriends break up with you because you spend more time with Tarkovsky then you do with them (by far).

df

When you realize you spend all watching movies in your room with the lights off, while ignoring your cellphone & your parents. But you’re fine with it and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

guess you can’t delete posts..

You’re tears well up and hear heart jumps into your throat when you walk into a store with more than a hundred dollars ear marked for Criterion.

You cry at the end of a long (yet amazing) silent film while your firends are ignorantly snoring.

After finishing watching a feature and all of the special features from a film, you start the film over (with or without commentary).

90% of your friends haven’t even heard of any of the films on your top ten, aside from you ranting about them.

Reading the writings of Bazin and the rest of the cahiers authors is pleasure not assignment.

You become a fatass like Orson Welles because you don’t get any exercise because you’re inside watching films.

You think that the most entertaining movies are from the ’20s.

… when you start dreaming in black/white and 4:3 aspect ratio only.

E. Hill: I say ‘aye aye’ to the 5th one

…When you know all the characters names from movies and no one from your own family.

Family reunions suck for cinephiles.

…When you realize you like fictional people more than real ones.
…When you immediately like someone just because they know and watch Bergman.
…When everything in the world is seen as a film to you.

Does anyone else get the last one? I feel like when I am walking my eyes are just a camera connected to my brain and my thoughts are narration. I sometimes wonder what the Drew Movie would be looking like and walk and move my head to represent the desired camera movements.

-You go by yourself to see the Bergman retrospective at that dank, old rep. movie house while all your friends are going to see the latest action flick at the cineplex.
-When all your friends are going to a real orgy, you stay home and watch Eyes Wide Shut.
-You enter the Zone in Stalker and the Room at the end of 2001 in your imagination because it feels like home.
-Your hair style is modelled on Eraserhead.
-You spend more time on a certain film site any given day than you do talking to any member of your family.
-You think films are much more realistic than real life.
- When asked who the love of your life is, you answer Monica Vitti instead of the name of your current girlfriend.

you ruin relationships because it’s never going to be a perfect or picturesque as ___(insert romantic film couple here)___’s relationship.

i.e. when fictional passion becomes an inescapable model for actual passion… relationships suck.

you talk for hours about auteurs and the definitive canon..
you lecture people on what to watch and what not to..
your girlfriend is jealous of your un certain admiration for Anna Karina or Monica Vitti or Irene Jacob..

and Drew..totally, tragically…yes for your last one…

great “eyes wide shut” line bob!

when you try to sneek on break to watch the rest of Brain Upon The Brain on my portable dvd player.
When you ditch a good night out on the town to listen to a intervew of Bergman talking about how much he dispises his father.
Telling people about the inner working of film and they look at you like your a circus preformer. With awe and confusion.

also naming your kid after a film character, “oh this is my son RENIOR” altought i have no kid, or with the name renoir. But after you start naming everything after the last Godard movie you’ve seen after passing thourhg hallways shouting LERBRO!! OCCUPPIED!! Then I would suggest some fresh air!!

when you pass wind and it speaks to you in a faint whisper . . . Rosebud . . .

a minimalist, all-text, discussion-centered website like “the auteurs” is your most cherished thing on the internet.

All of these are great! soybean: nice “rosebud” I actually laughed out loud!

Matt: your one about telling people about film is WAY true.

When telling stoned friends about films, they look on with glazed wonder, and when you finish they say “I’ve never wanted to watch a movie more than I wanna watch that one.”

- When asked who the love of your life is, you answer Monica Vitti instead of the name of your current girlfriend.

Good one bob.

- You perk up when the little white line goes across the screen for the old criterion logo.
- You notice subtle references to films like Metropolis and Holy Mountain in things like music videos and commercials (which goes over everyone elses head).
- Technicolor makes you cry.
- You are determinded to, some day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day, watch The Decalogue from start to finish in one sitting.
- You love the fact that there is a Japanese toy company called “Kubrick”.

….if you were deeply disappointed when you learned that Little Big Man, The Manchurian Candidate, Being There,
Stardust Memories, My Darling Clementine, Citizen Kane, Bonnie and Clyde, and Psycho were not documentaries.

In grade school you love all the movies on tv the other kids hate….
You start to notice the names of directors…
You are lost.

you cringe when discussing amongst “normal folk” what your favorite movies, er, films, are because you know that when it’s your turn to speak you have two options;

1.) lie and betray your soul

2.) come off like a pretentious jackass, even though you aren’t. No really, you aren’t.

attempting to negotiate the murky waters between 1+2 is ballsy but ill advised. You will most likely slip and drown. Personally I just suck it up and go with option 2, trying to stay focused on the more “well known” stuff I like.

Just to annoy people you analyze (and I mean dissecting every shot you can) the choppy editing, and uninspired (to put it as nicely as possible) cinematography in the vast majority of T.V., and music videos.

you’ve got theauteurs constantly in the background while doing schoolwork.

the auteurs IS your schoolwork…

You use your lunch break to buy movies instead of actually eating.

DREW: …When everything in the world is seen as a film to you.

I have felt this way since I was a little kid. I think that this viewpoint of the world has forced me to experience my life in a much more unique and certainly more interesting way than most of my friends.