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Your mission: to recast or re-crew these inevitable remakes

Post-Kyo

about 1 year ago

YOUR MISSION: It’s the distant future, the year 2012 and Hollywood has instituted it’s version of the three strikes rule – only here it means that every movie from any nation that ever broke even, went cult or made a profit must be remade at least 3 times.

Cinephiles are being asked to recast the remakes of one film of their choosing from actors to any members of the creative crew (director, set designer, editor, screenwriter – shit, go crazy).

SHOULD YOU REFUSE: Producers and studios have already secured Uwe Boll, Dane Cook and Jessica Alba for the next 10 years to be the writer, director and main actors of anything from The Magnificient Ambersons remake to the live action of remake of Akira to Yeelen set in Manhattan. So you probably should accept.

For my remake I choose Top Gun
dir: David Cronenberg (he was originally slated to direct)
screenwrtr: J.G. Ballard
Iceman: Michael Pitt
Maverick: Michael Shannon
Charlie: Asia Argento
Score: Angelo Badalamenti
Goose: Vincent Cassell

Stephen Prokow

about 1 year ago

The Magnificent Ambersons
Dir: Uwe Boll
Writer: Uwe Boll
Composer: Uwe Boll with original lyrics by James Hetfield
Eugene: Dane Cook
Isabel: Jessica Alba (as a blonde)
Lucy: Jessica Alba
George: Dane Cook (credited as Chuck)

The rest of the characters aren’t necessary.

Jazzalo​ha

about 1 year ago

@Post

I don’t know if that version of Top Gun would be good, but I’m sure it’d be very different. (Would there be sex in flight?)

Rudy

about 1 year ago

I dig your top gun but fuck it give it a new name

designerprons

about 1 year ago

@Post awesome line up for Top Gun but something tells me it would never fly (wacka wacka).

Pierre

about 1 year ago

Blue Velvet

Co-Dir: Shawn Levy/Jay Roach
Screenwriter: John Hamburg
DP: Remi Adefarasin
Dorothy Vallens: Kate Hudson
Jeffrey Beaumont: Justin Bieber
Frank Booth: Jim Carrey
Sandy Williams: Miley Cyrus
Mrs. Williams: Lauren Graham
Ben: David Spade

Jeffrey Beaumont is just an average kid and he’s having a BAD day, but then he meets FRANK BOOTH and Dorothy Vallens and his world is about to change.

Robert W Peabody III

about 1 year ago

Public Enemies 2012
DIR: Marcel Carné
SCR: Alejandro Jodorowsky
SET DESIGN: Alexander Trauner
PROD: Michael Mann
243 min

John Dillinger: Roberto Cobo

TAG LINE: GREED, MACHISMO, HOMOPHOBIA, AND THE DREAMS OF WHORES COLLIDE WITH A GAY CROSS-DRESSING FLAMENCO DANCER

Hollywood guarantee: Only in America could such a MUBI be made !

Robert W Peabody III

about 1 year ago

No one is gonna touch that, but the verbiage is from a synopsis of a move found here at MUBI.

Kate

about 1 year ago

The Great Gatsby

Dir: James Gray
Screenwriter: Tom Noonan
Daisy: Rosamund Pike
Jay Gatsby: Ethan Peck (Gregory Peck’s grandson. He’s a newbie, but based on interviews he inherited his grandfather’s charisma and refinement. Christian Bale would have been a good choice 10 years ago. He has the same glib charm.)
Nick: Ryan Gosling
Tom: Aaron Eckhart

EDIT: I guess a remake IS in the works (surprise, surprise), and the cast looks awful. :x Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey MaGuire and Carrey Mulligan??! WTF…

Post-Kyo

about 1 year ago

^Rosamund Pike is truly not in enough films…

Rudy

about 1 year ago

@ Kate: I dig your Great Gatsby, James Gray would be perfect, I am a huge fan of his. Great Casting

Kate

about 1 year ago

@Rudy — thanks :)