btw, the only time it wasn’t me posting was when I said “boo”. I closed my account because someone was screwing around with My Fav Auteurs and Movies and such. Apparently, they also got on FB, but only defriended all my online friends. I’m thinking and hoping I got all this shit worked out.
Yeah, sorry. Although, I had to admit, I could of told you before I canceled my account instead of just saying goodbye, but I… well, I thought I’d leave you guys hanging! :D
_Hi Dearest, I’m mary I saw your contact , and i was deeply moved.I think that you are a very interesting person.this is my email (marysilas93@yahoo.in)So I decided to use the chance to get to know you.idont think that the age appearance is so important. The most important is what is inside you and how do you feel about the life.I know this life from many sides and I am rather mature already to know how to make a man happy.I think we should use every chance to find our happiness. and I am contacting you for obvious reason which you will understand.i am sending this mail just to know if this email address is OK, reply me so that i will send my photo and more details to you,and i have a very important thing to tell you, i still hope for your reply, this is my email (marysilas93@yahoo.in) have a pleasant day, Miss mary silas _
What the hell? Somebody wrote this on my wall. That is so fucking weird.
I have an idea. I was noticing the other day how unnatural people can sound on TV and in PG-13 movies. Sometimes I just have to think, um, they would have definitely said motherfucker there, not just mother…
So what if they said “uck” or even “uckfay”? Or on TV they could say “Holy Itshay!”
Bood, yeah, there’s a lot of hilarious editing on TV. One time there was this guy talking in a movie on TV, and in the place of him saying “Fuck this” a voice said “screw this”. The funny part was, it was a girls voice!!!
Lona, well, that’s true, it doesn’t, but it would seem better because of it’s blatantly admitting it’s not trying to be real, just trying to swear as much as allowed. This isn’t exactly a serious thread, btw.
Brad, if it was anything other than Tati I would feel happy for you, but….
ARRRRGHH!!!!
No, I am happy for you.
You know, just if you want to.
LISTS-A short story by E.J. Atkinson
While Alex Acclosington was quietly and politely compiling a list of his favorite snacks for a section in People magazine, he was simultaneously peering out his thirteenth floor window watching the people in the next building. What he noticed, more than anything else was that they were smiling. Just sitting there smiling. That confused him. The industry that both buildings housed was an extremely stressful, hard, and generally awful one. And here were his rivals, in the same business as him, smiling. This of course brought to mind a touching scene from his childhood…
A very young Alex was standing on the ground, smiling.
That was, in fact, the only time Alex ever even smiled. Not that his life at Broken Mirror Industries was any worse than any other job, but it just wasn’t life at Four Leaf Clover Industries, Broken Mirror’s slightly more competent neighbor. He had worked hard to get a job at Four Leaf, giving the internship program all he had, but he just could not make it. However, the program had given him a job at a company that did the same things, and was ‘Almost as Good as Four Leaf Clover Industries.’
Alex’s job was this: simply compile lists for various magazines. Extremely simple. But, simple as it was, Broken Mirror had, quite simply, bad luck. Not extremely bad luck, such as their building catching fire, or every staff member there catching a deadly disease, but subtle bad luck, the kind that drives you insane because it’s really too small a thing to complain about, but big enough to drive you insane.
Broken mirror would submit a list to some magazine, and Four Leaf would do the same, and they would both be of good quality, but maybe Broken Mirror’s would have a small typo, or the editor would like Four Leaf’s font choice the best, and he would pick Four Leaf’s list. It wasn’t really Broken Mirror’s fault. It was just…bad luck.
Alex was actually on the bottom rung of his business. Writing lists was a job for unexperienced newcomers. But Alex had been there four a year. He desperately hoped that he would soon be moved to the tenth floor, where the list checkers worked. Their job was really quite simple. Check the lists. If they didn’t like them, they sent them back up. If they did, the lists received a big green check mark on them, and send them down to floor eight, where there was the job of list titling. This job was much more important than it sounded, for if the list was just titled ‘Top Ten Drinks’, no one would read it. But say, it would would attract more people if it read ‘The Best tasting Liquids Ever To Grace The Earth’, Then, well, that could be something. After the List is named, A large red check mark is stamped on the list, and it is sent down to the fourth floor. It is the job of the people on this floor to make the list look pretty. Choose the right font, place some pretty background pictures behind the letters, anything. They made it look attractive, so that when a person was flipping through the magazine, the page with the list on it would make them stop and take notice. Then, after the list was given yet another check mark, this time blue, the list went down to floor number one, the final stage of the list’s long journey. Only one man worked on this part. That man was called simply this: Awesome. He went by no other name, simply, Awesome. He had the power to send your list out for publication, or throw it into The Pit.
The Pit was a simple trash can. On the outside, that is. But unlike a normal trash can, it could not be emptied. It did not extend simply down to the floor, it went deeper, down into the very depths of the earth. No one knew where it ended, or if it even did. It was dark, incredibly dark. And if a list was tossed inside, you would never see it again.
After a year of working here, that was everything Alex knew about the company, besides where the bathrooms were. He always wondered whether they should add one more floor to the building, just so there wouldn’t be thirteen floors anymore. He wasn’t really superstitious, he just couldn’t help but think that maybe that was the key to Four Leaf’s triumph over Broken Glass, maybe they were just luckier, because of their name, and their number of floors being a less unlucky twelve. Luck, after all, wasn’t fake. No, bad or good, luck was real thing, Alex thought. But was it really? Alex was not pleased to find that he didn’t really know. But he did know that, if luck was real, Broken Mirror hadn’t gotten a very big dose of it.
But maybe his luck was about to change, that is, if there was any of it to change. For at that moment, as Alex finished writing his sixth favorite snack, and was trying to think of another, a man with a purple suit walked in, and told him that he had just been promoted to list checker, and to move down to the tenth floor immediately. Alex gave a quick smile. Luck or not, he was finally working his way down.
Alex looked in his new cubicle. It was basically exactly the same as his old cubicle, only three square feet larger. And, instead of yellow, the inside was green. That was pretty much it. The same type of desk resided inside, with the curved edges flowing downwards towards the floor and then twisting outwards to meet together and create a seat. Alex set his stack of papers on the desk, and instantly began sorting the into the various desk drawers. A group of purple suited men, known to the entire company simply as ‘the movers’ were carrying in his computer. They placed it on top of the desk, plugged it in, and left,without saying a word. This kind of creeped Alex out.
He looked back down at his papers. Alright, he thought, blue folders go in the middle left drawer along with the blue paper clipped papers, red folders…
He heard footsteps behind him. Alex stopped. These footsteps really shouldn’t have scared him, but they did. Back on the thirteenth floor, no one ever went into anyone else’s cubicle. That was stupid. You never even talked to anyone else, and if you knew over three coworkers names, you were incredibly social. This wasn’t a company policy or anything,that’s just how things were, period. Maybe things were different on tenth floor, Alex thought. Maybe everyone here was like a big family. That would be kind of weird though… Slowly, Alex turned.
Standing there was a man who was, really, quite incredibly tall. That was the first thing that Alex noticed about him. The second was that the jacket he had over his green shirt was way too short, as if he was heading to a costume party dressed as a biker chick. His tighter than should be allowed jeans helped further that image. It was really quite disturbing.
“Hello.” Said the man.
“Hello.” Said Alex.
“Nice to have you here. My name’s Ron.”
“Yes.” Said Alex.
“Uh… What’s your name?”
“Alex.”
“Yes.”
“Nice to meet you.” Said Alex.
“Nice to meet you too.” Said Ron.
He walked away. A few seconds later there was a gunshot. Then the noise of a window breaking. Alex raced out of his cubicle. There was Ron, With his face on the ground and a hole through his head. The window in front of the body was broken in a human sized hole. Alex raced up to it and peered out. He saw nothing but the normal activities of the city. Nothing seemed out of place. Nothing. His new fellow co-workers were gathered around him, also staring out of the window down into the city streets.
“What th’ heck happened?” Said some intensely annoying old man behind Alex. He felt his spit hit the back of his neck.
“I think that man was shot!” Said a small, big eared, pointy nosed woman with glasses, who stood next to Alex. Her nose suddenly fell off. However, no one really cared.
5. Tacos
4. Bovine warfare
3. Cheese
2. The Godfather II
1. Angela Lansbury!
’’That’s fine.’ Thought Alex, stamping a big green check mark on it, and tossing it aside.
It had been a week since the murder. The police had come, and said quite professionally:
“This Man Was Shot!”
And then examined the broken window, and discovered a torn piece of cloth presumably from the attacker’s outfit. After closer inspection they stated:
“This Is From A Brown Coat!”
Then they interviewed everyone. Nobody had seen anything. And after each interview they announced:
“You are telling the truth!”
This, of course made everyone feel better and safer.
Alex felt that his new job was much duller than before. But he was working his way down the ladder, there was no denying that. But before he was using his mind. Now he was using…well, nothing.
It was Christmas. Well, three days until it. Alex was leaning over his desk staring at a list about the best looking chimpanzee breeds on earth. It was fun. Fun… Lots of fun. What a great Christmas. He laughed happily. This was the most joyous time of year. It made him warm inside.
A purple suited man walked in. He said that Alex was promoted to list titler, and to move to the eighth floor immediately. He was moving his way down another rung on the corporate ladder.
Alex had writer’s block. He was being asked to title a list about the most realistic chicken impression. What was he supposed to call that!? He wanted to pull out his hair.
He thought about this for a moment. Then he pulled out his hair.
He had made a friend on this floor, however. His name was Melvin. They had actually become good friends. There was suddenly a gunshot.
Alex groaned.
He raced out into the hallway of cubicles. Blood was splattered all over. He saw a body on the ground.
Surprisingly though, it wasn’t Melvin. There was another gunshot.
Once again, Alex groaned. He raced down the hallway, and turned the corner. There was Melvin.
“Don’t worry mate, they only shot me in the ear.” Said Melvin pointing to his heart.
Alex had to smile. Good old Mel, he thought, always did get his body parts mixed up. Melvin fell over dead. Alex raced down the hallway, turned another corner, and caught a glimpse of someone diving into a vacant cubicle. He raced toward it, and burst inside. He didn’t see anyone. He bent quickly sideways, to peer under the desk, but he still didn’t see anyone. Then he looked up. What he saw was the tread of a shoe.
And it crashed into his face, sending him flailing backwards and through the wall of the cubicle. He then heard a gunshot.
Alex had only one eye. He had been shot in the other. However, he was alive. Unlike Melvin. Poor Melvin. Thought Alex. He shook his head. He was already back titling lists. Titling lists….with only one eye. This, Alex thought, was actually quite poetic.
Then, a man in a purple suit walked in. Alex was promoted.
A flower would look good here, thought Alex, as he waited patiently for a GUNSHOT.
He felt that a Times New Romans font would enhance the look of the list as he would place it against a more complex background. Yes, in fact, he felt very confident of this. So confident, in fact, that he began to yell loudly. Then, he stopped yelling loudly. And he began to think.
He had, lately, been promoted frequently. This was, indeed, a fact. So what if, he thought, what if I’m promoted again. I’ll have reached the final stage, the final, biggest job in all of Broken Mirror. I will be… Awesome.
Then there was a gunshot.
Actually, thought Alex, maybe this would look better with a Book Antiqua font. He changed the font. He nodded. It was actually much better looking that way. Still, though, there was something lacking. Something flew into his cubicle and splatted against the screen. It was someones eyeball. This gave Alex an idea for a font. He softly flicked the eyeball aside, barely heard the noise of a chainsaw behind him, and ignored the lung that bounced off the back off his head. He didn’t have the font on his typing program. He would have to download it. A spine flew past him and shattered against the wall. Alex got the font.
Then a man walked up to him. He was wearing a purple suit with red dots. Alex was now… awesome.
It was a strange thing being awesome. Alex had a giant room to himself. There was no on else around him to get murdered. There was only… him. Alex pondered this thought for a bit, and wrinkled his forehead. Something about this didn’t seem right, he thought. Oh well, he thought, I usually have good luck. Then he thought again. Actually, he didn’t. And that’s when he felt a machete fly into his ear, then swing around and slit his throat. He fell to the floor.
The man that held the machete picked him up and dragged him to the trashcan called the pit. He picked him up and shoved him inside. And one minute later, a purple suited man walked into a cubicle on all thirteen floors, and told them they were promoted to the floor below them.
Ten minutes later, Alex hit a massive stack of lists, sending only a few flying momentarily into the air, then slowly fluttering back to the stack. Alex lay very, very dead next to hundreds of other bodies, who had all been victims of bad luck.
Bad luck walked back into the closet, pocketed his machete, sat down, and waited patiently for the next Awesome.
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
WOW. Sorry about that guys.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Some prick got into my accounts.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
HMPH!!!
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Seriously, though, I am real.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Spirit Of The Beehive
Arrested Development now, used to be Curb Your Enthusiasm (Now second favorite), favorite drama is LOST.
7.8
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Yes!!!
btw, the only time it wasn’t me posting was when I said “boo”. I closed my account because someone was screwing around with My Fav Auteurs and Movies and such. Apparently, they also got on FB, but only defriended all my online friends. I’m thinking and hoping I got all this shit worked out.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Yeah, sorry. Although, I had to admit, I could of told you before I canceled my account instead of just saying goodbye, but I… well, I thought I’d leave you guys hanging! :D
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Drew, I don’t. Oh well, I usually don’t know what people mean.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
S, sorry!!!! :O
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
what the hell? they are playing Pirates Of The Carribean music to the olympics!!!
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Well, now that you know I’m back, I have to get off. See you guys.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
S, it’s ten O’ clock, and I have to go wash dishes. it ’tis me, I promise.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
_Hi Dearest, I’m mary I saw your contact , and i was deeply moved.I think that you are a very interesting person.this is my email (marysilas93@yahoo.in)So I decided to use the chance to get to know you.idont think that the age appearance is so important. The most important is what is inside you and how do you feel about the life.I know this life from many sides and I am rather mature already to know how to make a man happy.I think we should use every chance to find our happiness. and I am contacting you for obvious reason which you will understand.i am sending this mail just to know if this email address is OK, reply me so that i will send my photo and more details to you,and i have a very important thing to tell you, i still hope for your reply, this is my email (marysilas93@yahoo.in) have a pleasant day, Miss mary silas _
What the hell? Somebody wrote this on my wall. That is so fucking weird.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
haha, no way, dude.
I’m not so desparate that I give into internet sluts.
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post anything you think, is a must see/must share (it doesn't have to be a film & please don't be ridiculous) about 3 years ago
Failblog.org
Theonion.com
Two sites everyone should know about.
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Should a movie EVER be rated 10/10? about 3 years ago
This is ridiculous.
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Go uck yourself about 3 years ago
I have an idea. I was noticing the other day how unnatural people can sound on TV and in PG-13 movies. Sometimes I just have to think, um, they would have definitely said motherfucker there, not just mother…
So what if they said “uck” or even “uckfay”? Or on TV they could say “Holy Itshay!”
This is a good idea. They should do this.
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Go uck yourself about 3 years ago
I forgot on Firefly they use Chinese to swear, but when translated it really means “This elephant is dirty” or something like that.
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Go uck yourself about 3 years ago
Bood, yeah, there’s a lot of hilarious editing on TV. One time there was this guy talking in a movie on TV, and in the place of him saying “Fuck this” a voice said “screw this”. The funny part was, it was a girls voice!!!
Lona, well, that’s true, it doesn’t, but it would seem better because of it’s blatantly admitting it’s not trying to be real, just trying to swear as much as allowed. This isn’t exactly a serious thread, btw.
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
The Big Lebowski is awesome!!!!!
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
:(
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
S, nothing, I just waited along time for someone to reply to my Big Lebowski statement.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
S, it’s no big deal, I just hate it when I post somehing and wait a long time for someone to respond.
I really loved it though.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
1. Big Lebowski
2. Raising Arizona
3. O Brother Where Art Thou
4. Hudsucker Proxy
and that’s all I’ve seen. Of course, I just watched Lebowski, so I’m definetly biased.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
R&B has not seen Fargo.
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Eli pulls machete out and slowly walks towards Brad with sinister look on face
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Dammit, everybody shut the hell up about bigscreen Tati!!!!!!!
Go to Comment
STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
Brad, if it was anything other than Tati I would feel happy for you, but….
ARRRRGHH!!!!
No, I am happy for you.
You know, just if you want to.
LISTS-A short story by E.J. Atkinson
While Alex Acclosington was quietly and politely compiling a list of his favorite snacks for a section in People magazine, he was simultaneously peering out his thirteenth floor window watching the people in the next building. What he noticed, more than anything else was that they were smiling. Just sitting there smiling. That confused him. The industry that both buildings housed was an extremely stressful, hard, and generally awful one. And here were his rivals, in the same business as him, smiling. This of course brought to mind a touching scene from his childhood…
A very young Alex was standing on the ground, smiling.
That was, in fact, the only time Alex ever even smiled. Not that his life at Broken Mirror Industries was any worse than any other job, but it just wasn’t life at Four Leaf Clover Industries, Broken Mirror’s slightly more competent neighbor. He had worked hard to get a job at Four Leaf, giving the internship program all he had, but he just could not make it. However, the program had given him a job at a company that did the same things, and was ‘Almost as Good as Four Leaf Clover Industries.’
Alex was actually on the bottom rung of his business. Writing lists was a job for unexperienced newcomers. But Alex had been there four a year. He desperately hoped that he would soon be moved to the tenth floor, where the list checkers worked. Their job was really quite simple. Check the lists. If they didn’t like them, they sent them back up. If they did, the lists received a big green check mark on them, and send them down to floor eight, where there was the job of list titling. This job was much more important than it sounded, for if the list was just titled ‘Top Ten Drinks’, no one would read it. But say, it would would attract more people if it read ‘The Best tasting Liquids Ever To Grace The Earth’, Then, well, that could be something. After the List is named, A large red check mark is stamped on the list, and it is sent down to the fourth floor. It is the job of the people on this floor to make the list look pretty. Choose the right font, place some pretty background pictures behind the letters, anything. They made it look attractive, so that when a person was flipping through the magazine, the page with the list on it would make them stop and take notice. Then, after the list was given yet another check mark, this time blue, the list went down to floor number one, the final stage of the list’s long journey. Only one man worked on this part. That man was called simply this: Awesome. He went by no other name, simply, Awesome. He had the power to send your list out for publication, or throw it into The Pit.Alex’s job was this: simply compile lists for various magazines. Extremely simple. But, simple as it was, Broken Mirror had, quite simply, bad luck. Not extremely bad luck, such as their building catching fire, or every staff member there catching a deadly disease, but subtle bad luck, the kind that drives you insane because it’s really too small a thing to complain about, but big enough to drive you insane.
Broken mirror would submit a list to some magazine, and Four Leaf would do the same, and they would both be of good quality, but maybe Broken Mirror’s would have a small typo, or the editor would like Four Leaf’s font choice the best, and he would pick Four Leaf’s list. It wasn’t really Broken Mirror’s fault. It was just…bad luck.
The Pit was a simple trash can. On the outside, that is. But unlike a normal trash can, it could not be emptied. It did not extend simply down to the floor, it went deeper, down into the very depths of the earth. No one knew where it ended, or if it even did. It was dark, incredibly dark. And if a list was tossed inside, you would never see it again.
After a year of working here, that was everything Alex knew about the company, besides where the bathrooms were. He always wondered whether they should add one more floor to the building, just so there wouldn’t be thirteen floors anymore. He wasn’t really superstitious, he just couldn’t help but think that maybe that was the key to Four Leaf’s triumph over Broken Glass, maybe they were just luckier, because of their name, and their number of floors being a less unlucky twelve. Luck, after all, wasn’t fake. No, bad or good, luck was real thing, Alex thought. But was it really? Alex was not pleased to find that he didn’t really know. But he did know that, if luck was real, Broken Mirror hadn’t gotten a very big dose of it.
But maybe his luck was about to change, that is, if there was any of it to change. For at that moment, as Alex finished writing his sixth favorite snack, and was trying to think of another, a man with a purple suit walked in, and told him that he had just been promoted to list checker, and to move down to the tenth floor immediately. Alex gave a quick smile. Luck or not, he was finally working his way down.
Alex looked in his new cubicle. It was basically exactly the same as his old cubicle, only three square feet larger. And, instead of yellow, the inside was green. That was pretty much it. The same type of desk resided inside, with the curved edges flowing downwards towards the floor and then twisting outwards to meet together and create a seat. Alex set his stack of papers on the desk, and instantly began sorting the into the various desk drawers. A group of purple suited men, known to the entire company simply as ‘the movers’ were carrying in his computer. They placed it on top of the desk, plugged it in, and left,without saying a word. This kind of creeped Alex out.
He looked back down at his papers. Alright, he thought, blue folders go in the middle left drawer along with the blue paper clipped papers, red folders…
He heard footsteps behind him. Alex stopped. These footsteps really shouldn’t have scared him, but they did. Back on the thirteenth floor, no one ever went into anyone else’s cubicle. That was stupid. You never even talked to anyone else, and if you knew over three coworkers names, you were incredibly social. This wasn’t a company policy or anything,that’s just how things were, period. Maybe things were different on tenth floor, Alex thought. Maybe everyone here was like a big family. That would be kind of weird though… Slowly, Alex turned.
Standing there was a man who was, really, quite incredibly tall. That was the first thing that Alex noticed about him. The second was that the jacket he had over his green shirt was way too short, as if he was heading to a costume party dressed as a biker chick. His tighter than should be allowed jeans helped further that image. It was really quite disturbing.
“Hello.” Said the man.
“Hello.” Said Alex.
“Nice to have you here. My name’s Ron.”
“Yes.” Said Alex.
“Uh… What’s your name?”
“Alex.”
“Yes.”
“Nice to meet you.” Said Alex.
“Nice to meet you too.” Said Ron.
He walked away. A few seconds later there was a gunshot. Then the noise of a window breaking. Alex raced out of his cubicle. There was Ron, With his face on the ground and a hole through his head. The window in front of the body was broken in a human sized hole. Alex raced up to it and peered out. He saw nothing but the normal activities of the city. Nothing seemed out of place. Nothing. His new fellow co-workers were gathered around him, also staring out of the window down into the city streets.
“What th’ heck happened?” Said some intensely annoying old man behind Alex. He felt his spit hit the back of his neck.
“I think that man was shot!” Said a small, big eared, pointy nosed woman with glasses, who stood next to Alex. Her nose suddenly fell off. However, no one really cared.
5. Tacos
’’That’s fine.’ Thought Alex, stamping a big green check mark on it, and tossing it aside. It had been a week since the murder. The police had come, and said quite professionally:4. Bovine warfare
3. Cheese
2. The Godfather II
1. Angela Lansbury!
“This Man Was Shot!”
And then examined the broken window, and discovered a torn piece of cloth presumably from the attacker’s outfit. After closer inspection they stated:
“This Is From A Brown Coat!”
Then they interviewed everyone. Nobody had seen anything. And after each interview they announced:
“You are telling the truth!”
This, of course made everyone feel better and safer.
Alex felt that his new job was much duller than before. But he was working his way down the ladder, there was no denying that. But before he was using his mind. Now he was using…well, nothing.
It was Christmas. Well, three days until it. Alex was leaning over his desk staring at a list about the best looking chimpanzee breeds on earth. It was fun. Fun… Lots of fun. What a great Christmas. He laughed happily. This was the most joyous time of year. It made him warm inside.
A purple suited man walked in. He said that Alex was promoted to list titler, and to move to the eighth floor immediately. He was moving his way down another rung on the corporate ladder.
Alex had writer’s block. He was being asked to title a list about the most realistic chicken impression. What was he supposed to call that!? He wanted to pull out his hair.
He thought about this for a moment. Then he pulled out his hair.
He had made a friend on this floor, however. His name was Melvin. They had actually become good friends. There was suddenly a gunshot.
Alex groaned.
He raced out into the hallway of cubicles. Blood was splattered all over. He saw a body on the ground.
Surprisingly though, it wasn’t Melvin. There was another gunshot.
Once again, Alex groaned. He raced down the hallway, and turned the corner. There was Melvin.
“Don’t worry mate, they only shot me in the ear.” Said Melvin pointing to his heart.
Alex had to smile. Good old Mel, he thought, always did get his body parts mixed up. Melvin fell over dead. Alex raced down the hallway, turned another corner, and caught a glimpse of someone diving into a vacant cubicle. He raced toward it, and burst inside. He didn’t see anyone. He bent quickly sideways, to peer under the desk, but he still didn’t see anyone. Then he looked up. What he saw was the tread of a shoe.
And it crashed into his face, sending him flailing backwards and through the wall of the cubicle. He then heard a gunshot.
Alex had only one eye. He had been shot in the other. However, he was alive. Unlike Melvin. Poor Melvin. Thought Alex. He shook his head. He was already back titling lists. Titling lists….with only one eye. This, Alex thought, was actually quite poetic.
Then, a man in a purple suit walked in. Alex was promoted.
A flower would look good here, thought Alex, as he waited patiently for a GUNSHOT.
He felt that a Times New Romans font would enhance the look of the list as he would place it against a more complex background. Yes, in fact, he felt very confident of this. So confident, in fact, that he began to yell loudly. Then, he stopped yelling loudly. And he began to think.
He had, lately, been promoted frequently. This was, indeed, a fact. So what if, he thought, what if I’m promoted again. I’ll have reached the final stage, the final, biggest job in all of Broken Mirror. I will be… Awesome.
Then there was a gunshot.
Actually, thought Alex, maybe this would look better with a Book Antiqua font. He changed the font. He nodded. It was actually much better looking that way. Still, though, there was something lacking. Something flew into his cubicle and splatted against the screen. It was someones eyeball. This gave Alex an idea for a font. He softly flicked the eyeball aside, barely heard the noise of a chainsaw behind him, and ignored the lung that bounced off the back off his head. He didn’t have the font on his typing program. He would have to download it. A spine flew past him and shattered against the wall. Alex got the font.
Then a man walked up to him. He was wearing a purple suit with red dots. Alex was now… awesome.
It was a strange thing being awesome. Alex had a giant room to himself. There was no on else around him to get murdered. There was only… him. Alex pondered this thought for a bit, and wrinkled his forehead. Something about this didn’t seem right, he thought. Oh well, he thought, I usually have good luck. Then he thought again. Actually, he didn’t. And that’s when he felt a machete fly into his ear, then swing around and slit his throat. He fell to the floor.
The man that held the machete picked him up and dragged him to the trashcan called the pit. He picked him up and shoved him inside. And one minute later, a purple suited man walked into a cubicle on all thirteen floors, and told them they were promoted to the floor below them.
Ten minutes later, Alex hit a massive stack of lists, sending only a few flying momentarily into the air, then slowly fluttering back to the stack. Alex lay very, very dead next to hundreds of other bodies, who had all been victims of bad luck.
Bad luck walked back into the closet, pocketed his machete, sat down, and waited patiently for the next Awesome.
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on South Park about 3 years ago
Is this season over????
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STOP THE LISTS! about 3 years ago
:D
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