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millennial self-Portrait: everything I've ever seen, in order

von Joe Girard
millennial self-Portrait: everything I've ever seen, in order von Joe Girard
First off, if you’re interested in film analysis, I’m the creator of the foremost analysis of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, which you can read all about here: eyescream237. wordpress. com - The Last Castle (Oct. 2001) marks the start of the first period of perfect order, which ended with Pink Floyd’s The Wall (Jan. 2003). I realized I had begun to finish movies I was hating simply to add them to the list. And having reached 1000 titles, I felt that was good enough, for bragging rights, or whatever I was after with that number. But once I began working for the city library in 2005, I began to see so much that, at the start of 2007, I thought… Mehr

First off, if you’re interested in film analysis, I’m the creator of the foremost analysis of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, which you can read all about here: eyescream237. wordpress. com

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The Last Castle (Oct. 2001) marks the start of the first period of perfect order, which ended with Pink Floyd’s The Wall (Jan. 2003). I realized I had begun to finish movies I was hating simply to add them to the list. And having reached 1000 titles, I felt that was good enough, for bragging rights, or whatever I was after with that number. But once I began working for the city library in 2005, I began to see so much that, at the start of 2007, I thought it would help me keep track of everything, and I’ve been keeping a perfect chronicle (with a few minor omissions) ever since. Eventually, circa 2017, I decided to do an exhaustive search through my past to try to identify all the old weird shows and nature documentaries we watched as kids, and to rebuild, from my best recollections, as exact a chronology of the periods outside these perfect accountings as possible. As I’ve been building this list into MUBI, I’ve been having little realizations about certain films being inaccurate give or take a year, but, seriously, who gives a fuck? This list is bonkers, deeply personal, and probably an early warning sign of some terrifying psychopathy in my future. Enjoy!

First Films by Year 1988: Bambi; 1989: Harvey; 1990: The Wizard of Oz; 1991: Invasion of the Body Snatchers; 1992: The Time Machine (‘60); 1993: Frankenstein (’31); 1994: Christine; 1995: 2001: A Space Odyssey; 1996: Alien; 1997: Planet of the Apes; 1998: All Quiet on the Western Front; 1999: The Jazz Singer (‘27); 2000: Plan 9 from Outer Space; 2001: The Terror (’63); 2002: Gosford Park; 2003: Following; 2004: Pirates of the Caribbean; 2005: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; 2006: Batman Begins; 2007: The Fog of War; 2008: Gates of Heaven; 2009: Guns, Germs and Steel (Not on MUBI); 2010: Pontypool; 2011: Flight of the Conchords; 2012: Super 8; 2013: Paranorman; 2014: The Hunt; 2015: The Zero Theorum; 2016: The Revenant; 2017: American Crime Story; 2018: Mothra; 2019: Who Is America?; 2020: The Farewell

Significant Films for Me:

First film I remember seeing: The Secret of NIMH (1987)
First film I watched over 500 times: The Princess Bride (circa ‘90/’91)
Film I’ve watched more than any other: The Shining (2018-2019)
First film I saw with my wife: Reservoir Dogs (2005)
First film after moving away from home: Grizzly man (2007)
First film after moving away from my home town: The X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
First film after moving to Vancouver: Grave Encounters (2014)
First film after starting work for a major theatre chain: Unfriended (2015)
First film I ever watched completely on a cell phone: Hercules Unchained (2018)
First film after the start of the Covid-19 quarantine: Happy Death Day (2020)

Films Not On MUBI 1. ; 2. Mr. Bill’s Real Life Adventures; 3. NOVA (74); 4. The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show; 5. The Price is Right; 6. Merry Melodies; 7. Jonny Quest (86); 8. Jonny Quest (64); 9. The Edison Twins (82); 10. 11. Under the Umbrella Tree (86); 12. Today’s Special (81); 13. 14. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle; 15. The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour (67); 16. 17. Schoolhouse Rock! (73); 18. Wheel of Fortune (83); 19. Love Connection; 20. Star Search; 21. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous; 22. What’s My Line?; 23. 24. ; 25. Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color (54); 26. The Johnny Carson Show; 27. Casper; 28. The Hollywood Squares; 29. Reading Rainbow; 30. Polka Dot Door; 31. Captain Kangaroo; 32. 33. 34. Family Feud; 35. Centurions (86); 36. Spiderman (67); 37. The World of Strawberry Shortcake (80); 38. 39. The Berenstain Bears (85); 40. Late Night with David Letterman (82);; 41. Square One Television (87); 42. The Tracey Ullman Show (87); 43. Bumper Stumpers (87); 44. The Ray Bradbury Theater (85); 45. America’s Most Wanted (88) ;46. 47. American Gladiators (89); 48. Kidstreet (89); 49. 50. America’s Funniest Home Videos (89); 51. The Smoggies (89); 52. The California Raisins; 53. 54. 55. Samurai Pizza Cats (90); 56. 57. 58. Supermarket Sweep (90); 59. Sharky & George (90); 60. Candid Camera (91); 61. Sightings (91); 62. 63. Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? (91); 64. Video & Arcade Top 10 (91); 65. Bump in the Night (94); 66. 67. Street Sharks (94); 68. Insektors (94); 69. The Sex O’Clock News; 70. Sticks and Stones: Investigating the Blair Witch; 71. Scariest Places on Earth (00); 72. FreakyLinks (00); 73. History’s Mysteries: Amityville: Horror or Hoax (00); 74. TV Funhouse (00); 75. Down, Out and Dangerous; 76. Radiohead: 7 Television Commercials (98); 77. Reboot: My Two Bobs (01); 78. Charlie Rose (91); 79. Tool; 80. 81. 82. REM: This Film Is On; 83. SNL Best Will Ferrell 2; 84. Mugen no rivaiasu (Infinite Ryvius) (99); 85. SNL: Best of Tom Hanks; 86. Scrapped Princess; 87. The Late Great Planet Earth (79); 88. The Daily Show: Indecision 2004; 89. SNL: Best of Alec Baldwin; 90. Origins (14/06)?; 91. Scrabylon (03); 92. 93. God, Save Our King!; 94. 95. Be A Pilot!; 96. Reflexology Massage; 97. Gustavo Benedetto ; 98. Fire the Director; 99. How’s Your News?; 100. 30 Days; Ring of Fire; 102. Infant Massage: The Power of Touch; 103. 104. Soldiers in the Army of God; 105. The Best of Stephen Colbert; 106. Oh Mikey! (The Fuccons) (04); 107. Guns, Germs, and Steel; 108. With God On Our Side; 109. 110. Jump; 111. Lymphatic Massage: The Face; 112. The Hockey Sweater; 113. Anniversary; 114. Origins (NOVA) ; 115. Comic Books Unbound; 116. Disconnected; 117. The Cartoonist; 118. There Will Be Brawl; 119. Nobelity; 120. Mendelssohn’s Spring Song; 121. Monkey Doodle; 122. The Hobo Hero; 123. Kool Penguins; 124. Wonder Bakers At the World Fair; 125. Ford Animated Commercials; 126. Shell Oil/Brookfield Butter; 127. Korn Plastered In Africa; 128. PM Picnic; 129. Goofy Goat; 130. Toddy Commercials; 131. Monsters Do Have Their Place; 132. No Fare; 133. Easy Does It!; 134. Cultoons! Rare, Lost, and Strange Cartoons; 135. Body Worlds; 136. Wal-Town; 137. Big Rig; 138. No Grades + No Homework = Better Learning; 139. Project Disclosure; 140. Pucker Up; 141. Frost/Nixon; 142. Corporations in the Classroom; 143. Measure; 144. Off the Grid with Les Stroud; 145. A Village Trilogy; 146. Cornered; 147. Contrecoup; 148. Uganda Rising; 149. Crazy Glue; 150. The Phantom Museum; 151. The Vaccine War; 152. 153. Middle Sexes; 154. Drum Beat; 155. Star and Flower; 156. Loneliness; 157. Variants; 158. The Rescue; 159. Seven Rights of the Viewer; 160. Mr. Daff Is Shooting a Film; 161. Video Game Invasion; 162. Funny or Die Presents… (10); 163. The Human Face; 164. Ride the Divide; 165. The Edge of Never; 166. 167. Car Bomb; 168. Crawford; 169. Unconditional Parenting ;170. The Eyes of Me; 171. Resolved;172. Into the Maelstrom;173. The Hollywood Librarian;174. Alice in Wonderland: A Dance; 175. The Scary Movie; 176. flight; 177. Japanese-English Pictionary; 178. Kid’s Castle; 179. The Country Doctor; 180. A Movie Lover’s Guide to Film Language; 181. Moguls and Movie Stars: A History of Hollywood; 182. Nikola Tesla: Let There Be Light; 183. Escape from Suburbia; 184. Berlin; 185. Wonder Showzen; 186. Spirits (Oan hon); 187. Fagbug; 188. With God on our Side (10); 189. Whale Wars; 190. Neshoba (08); 191. My Boyfriend’s Package (short); 192. Surviving the Future; 193. Can We Make It To Mars? ; 194. Nurse. Fighter. Boy.; 195. The Pick-Up Artist; 196. Shaolin: The Wheel of Time; 197. 198. 199. 200. 201. Anti-Race Suicide; 202. 203. New York of Today; 204. How Bumptious Papered the Parlour; 205. Thirty Days At Hard Labour; 206. The Passer-By; 207. The Totville Eye; 208. The Public and Private Care of Infants; 209. An Unsullied Shield; 210. All On Account of a Transfer; 211. One Touch of Nature; 212. The Adventure of the Hasty Elopement; 213. The Wonders of Magnetism; 214. Black Eyes; 215. The Long Game; 216. The Unbeliever; 217. At Bear Track Gulch; 218. 219. A Serenade By Proxy; 220. Cockfight, no. 2; 221. 222. Louis Martinetty; 223. 224. Amy Muller; 225. The John C. Rice – May Irwin Kiss; 226. 227. Fatima, Muscle Dancer; 228. 229. Inventor Edison Sketched by World Artist; 230. Watermelon Eating Contest; 231. 232. 233. 234. 235. 236. 237. 238. 239. Return of Lifeboat; 240. Troop Ships for the Phillipines; 241. US Troops Landing at Daiquiri, Cuba; 242. Fireman Rescuing Men and Women; 243. A Wringing Good Joke; 244. Gold Rush Scenes in the Klondike; 245. Capture of Boer Battery By British; 246. New Black Diamond Express; 247. 248. A Storm At Sea; 249. High Diving Scene; 250. Photographing A Country Couple; 251. Burlesque Suicide, no. 2; 252. Egyptian Fakir with Dancing Monkey; 253. A Scrap in Black and White; 254. Turning the Tables; 255. 256. The Iroquois Speak Out for Mother Earth; 257. The Pig Farm; 258. Beyond the Light Switch; 259. Whale Warrior; 260. The Art of Mixing; 261. 9500 Liberty; 262. Critical Condition; 263. Blue Planet IMAX; 264. 265. Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie; 266. Worst In Show; 267. 268. The First Year; 269. The Codes of Gender; 270. A Painter’s Odyssey; 271. Weibo’s War; 272. The Man Who Studies Murder; 273. Inside the Actor’s Studio: Leading Men; 274. 275. Nina Conti: His Master’s Voice; 276. Elephant Shoes; 277. 278. Forming Game; 279. Rosa Rosa; 280. 281. 282. 283. Engine 371; 284. 285. 286. IMAX: To the Arctic; 287. Three of Hearts; 288. Under the Boardwalk: The Story of Monopoly; 289. Jedi Junkies; 290. Face Off; 291. Still Mine; 292. Dinotasia; 293. 294. One Day On Earth; 295. Griefwalker; 296. Erlang: A Chinese Folktale; 297. Fire Child: A Chinese Folktale; 298. Kubrick’s Odyssey; 299. Kubrick’s Odyssey II; 300. Don’t You Forget About Me; 301. Pandas in the Wild; 302. Galapogos; 303. Emma Goldman; 304. Strongman; 305. War on Whistleblowers; 306. 307. Aquarius: Living Beneath the Sea; 308. True Romance: The Tarantino Cut; 309. Burzynski 2; 310. Flying Saucar Mystery; 311. Read On! From Left to Right; 312. Behave Bernard; 313. Study Skills – Verbal Communication; 314. Magical Disappearing Money; 315. 316. 317. Girl Most Likely; 318. Werner Herzog Masterclass; 319. Word to the Wives; 320. Life in the Suburbs; 321. Christmas Toyshop; 322. Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy; 323. The Night Before Christmas; 324. Santa’s Enchanted Village; 325. Santa Claus and His Helpers; 326. Santa’s Magic Kingdom; 327. Cindy Goes To A Party; 328. Friends; 329. Lemonade Stand; 330. Norman Krasner; 331. Boy of India; 332. I Believe in Santa Claus; 333. At Your Fingertips: Cylinders; 334. Alcohol Unknown; 335. Color It Clean; 336. Marriage is a Partnership; 337. A Day of Thanksgiving; 338. Clean and Neat with Harv and Marv; 339. Dining Together; 340. Eggs to Market; 341. Feelings – I’m Alone Feeling; 342. Jobs In Cosmotology; 343. The Creeps Machine; 344. Making Sense with Sentences; 345. Norman Krasner – Norman Checks In; 346. “” “” – Welcome Back Norman; 347. Willy Whistle; 348. What Is Nothing; 349. What Are Letters For?; 350. Animal Antics; 351. Starting School; 352. The Myths of Shoplifting; 353. Safety Woman – In Danger Out of Doors; 354. 355. This Is Hormel; 356. 357. Halloween Party; 358. More Dangerous Than Dynamite; 359. Grasses; 360. Frozen Frolics; 361. 362. Chimp the Fireman; 363. Act Your Age; 364. Aquafrolics; 365. Are All People the Same?; 366. Are You Popular; 367. Bill of Rights; 368. Buying Food; 369. Carnivorous Plants; 370. Christmas Dream; 371. Coffee House; 372. Cops Who Needs Them; 373. Cork Crashes and Curiosities; 374. 375. Don’t Be A Bloody Idiot; 376. Down and Out; 377. Drugs Are Like That; 378. Fad Diet Circus; 379. Family Teamwork; 380. Flying Stewardesses; 381. Good Eating Habits; 382. Good Health Practices; 383. Highway Mania; 384. If Mirrors Could Speak; 385. It Must Be the Neigbours; 386. Kitty Cleans Up; 387. Lunchroom Manners; 388. Monkey See, Monkey Do; 389. Moose Baby; 390. More Dangerous Than Dynamite; 391. 392. Overcoming Fear; 393. Parade of Aquatic Champions; 394. Patriotism; 395. Primary Safety in Schools; 396. Right or Wrong; 397. Safety Woman: Harm: Hide at Home; 398. Self-Conscious Guy; 399. 400. Skipper Learns A Lesson; 401. Snap Out of It; 402. 403. 404. 405. 406. Toward Emotional Maturity; 407. Watch Out For My Plant; 408. What If We Had A Fire; 409. 410. Why Doesn’t Cathy Eat Breakfast; 411. Why Vandalism?; 412. William’s Doll; 413. Wing Claw Fang; 414. You Can Do Something About Acne; 415. 416. Cooking Terms; 417. Donald Trump: A True Narcissistic Sociopath; 418. Perc! Pop! Sprinkle!; 419. Choking: To Save a Life; 420. The Talking Car; 421. More Dates for Kay; 422. Americans at Work: Barbers and Beauticians; 423. Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance; 424. 425. Masks of Grass; 426. 427. 428. The Days of Our Years; 429. Burn in Hell: Kevin Smith; 430. 431. The God Delusion; 432. The Dude Bros.; 433. The Grabowskis; 434. Eddie Murphy Raw; 435. Stargames; 436. Sam Harris: Beyond Belief; 437. 438. Rupaul’s Drag Race All Stars; 439. Best of the Worst; 440. Wheel of the Worst; 441. Quick Cuts; 442. The Psycho-tronic Man; 445. Find the One…Again; 446. Those Boobs; 447. Design for Dressing; 448. Bill Posters; 449. Uncle Jim’s Dairy Farm; 450. Last Clear Chance; 451. Body Care and Grooming; 452. Speech: Using Your Voice; 453. Snow Thrills; 455. The Home Economics Story; 456. The Singing Whale; 457. On Contact; 458. Check It Out; 459. The Water We Drink; 460. Under the Watchful Eye; 461. Trucker’s Woman; 462. Nature’s Greatest Events; 463. Nature’s Weirdest Events; 464. Once Upon a Marriage; 465. Don’t Get Angry; 466. The Litter Monster; 467. The Night Dracula Saved the World; 468. On Guard, Bunco!; 470. The Selling Wizard; 472. Catching Trouble; 473. Why Do Math?; 474. Hired!; 475. Love That Car!; 476. Ramsay’s Boiling Point; 478. The Hothead and the Forgetter; 479. Cindy Goes To A Party; 480. Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things; 481. Farm Family in Spring; 482. The Mighty Titan; 484. The Cautious Twins; 486. The Flying Saucer Mystery; 487. Louis Theroux: African Hunting Party; 488. Law and Disorder in Johannesburg; 490. One By One (AKA The Quick and the Dead) (1975, 1978); 491. Ninja, the Violent Sorceror; 492: Off the Straight and Narrow (1999);

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