Movie Count 2011 (only in theaters!)

It started with a bang (Manhattan) and ended with a whimper (The Artist). Last year, I went to see 155 movies. A personal best for me. Or worst – take your pick. I sat in a lot of dark rooms with a lot of strangers, and if there’s one thing I learned it’s this: It doesn’t matter if you’re young, it doesn’t matter if you’re old – I hate you and I want you to quit chomping on your popcorn and shut the fuck up.

Movies are often celebrated for bringing together diverse groups of people and uniting them in their common love of cinema. But after a year of listening to their stupid comments,...