Note: Some of these have spoilers.
Hedwig and the Angry Inch – You shouldn’t put bras in the dryer
Une Nouvelle Amie/The New Girlfriend – You should apply mascara: to the left eyelash using the left hand and to the right eyelash using the right hand.
Big Daddy – Never have a 5 year plan. Your life will pan out better if you’re a slacker who likes to eat at Hooter’s.
Les Choristes/The Chorus – It’s okay to steal children.
North By Northwest – You can drink a whole bottle of bourbon and drive and you won’t kill anyone.
Sunset Blvd. – Being a gigolo is a dangerous profession. And it’s always fun to throw a funeral for a monkey.
Mulholland Dr. – You have to pretend to be a lesbian to break into showbiz. Being Nicole Kidman’s best friend isn’t good enough.
Crimes and Misdemeanors – Don’t kill. You’ll feel guilty.
Match Point – You can kill. And get away with it. Just make it look like a robbery.
Bonnie and Clyde – Stealing from banks is better than waitressing.
Young and Innocent – You can be a killer and get away with it with black makeup. Unless you have a twitch.
You’ve Got Mail – Never correspond with strangers online. You might fall in love with them and they might be your archnemesis in real life.
Todo sobre mi madre/Volver – Penelope Cruz can act?!!?? WTF?????
Mystic River – Don’t dance on tables at 1 AM in the morning when your dad’s friend is checking you out. You WILL end up dead.
I Heart Huckabees – Jude Law has breasts.
The Virgin Suicides – Even hot chicks can be unhappy.
Nurse Betty – There is no such thing as an actor. What you see on TV is real.
Where the Truth Lies – When you’re screwing your childhood hero in a hotel room and he leaves the next morning without a note or explanation, he will find a way to make YOU feel bad.
Unbreakable – No matter how cool you set up the story, audiences will find a way to hate you if there is no action.
C.R.A.Z.Y. – Life will fly by fast, but that’s okay.
Year of the Dog -Don’t go crazy like Molly Shannon’s character and embezzle from your work no matter how good you think your cause is.
The Three Faces of Eve – Don’t force your kids to kiss grandma.
Glass House – It is okay to kill your guardians. If they’re bad. And they probably are.
Veronica Guerin – Don’t sell drugs to kids.Read less