MUBI brings you a great new film every day.  Start your 7-day free trial today!
All Topics  »

if you could fight any director who would it be

kyle

over 4 years ago

and why?
(living or dead, it doesn’t matter)

i know, i know, the idea is straight from the film ‘FIGHT CLUB’. however, i kind of see this as an interesting question. after thinking about that “uwe boll boxing his critics” thing, i thought i would pose the question. i see it invoking some unique responses. since this is all make-believe & hopefully no one wants to fight anyone for real, let’s have some fun with it.

i’ll start.

off the top of my head, i would fight buster keaton. not that i dislike him, i love him. i would fight him because it would be hilarious. could you imagine all the antics he would pull during the fight. he reminds of a little jackie chan. the way he uses his environment around him. then, immediately right after that fight when i am all tired and spent, i would fight brett ratner (so people could say it was a fair fight between me and brett). this guy i don’t like.

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

over 4 years ago

I’m betting someone is gonna say M. Bay pretty soon…he’s this site’s favorite director, it seems.

But I would fight Groucho Marx, just to see how good a shape he was in, physically.

deckard croix

over 4 years ago

^ Harpo would be more entertaining to fight, though he was never a director I think.

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

over 4 years ago

Possibly, but I’ve always wondered what Groucho would do if someone actually punched him.

dethgru​l

over 4 years ago

id have to say woody allen. as a director, i have no problem with him, but.. just hearing him talk is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

deckard croix

over 4 years ago

I always imagined Harpo would honk if he was punched, but yes, Groucho would certainly make it interesting, perhaps become irate that you smashed his cigar.

Harry Long

over 4 years ago

>>the idea is straight from the film ‘FIGHT CLUB’<<
No, the idea is straight from WTF?

T

over 4 years ago

Herzog, bare knuckles. Because he’s tough and it would be a good fight. No other reason.

deckard croix

over 4 years ago

^ And he’d eat your shoe.

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

over 4 years ago

Tex Avery

Joshua W

over 4 years ago

Leni Reifenstahl.

Nil

over 4 years ago

Lars von Trier

Frank P. Tomasul​o, Ph.D.

over 4 years ago

I don’t have quarrels with too many directors that would lead me to want to fight them. (Oh, maybe Leni Riefenstahl — in her old age.) If I was looking for a clear victory, I’d go with Carl Dreyer (in his nineties, when he was very frail) or Woody Allen (who is short, wears glasses, and is a coward). I bet Hitchcock would be easy to beat too, because he was out of shape most of his life. And Jean Renoir was too nice a man to fight, so I could easily beat him too.

If I wanted a pugilistic challenge in the boxing ring, however, I’d fight any of these ACTORS who played prizefighters on screen in their primes:

James Cagney (CITY FOR CONQUEST; WINNER TAKE ALL)
Bill Holden (GOLDEN BOY)
Wallace Beery (THE CHAMP)
Kirk Douglas (CHAMPION)
Robert Ryan (THE SET-UP)
John Garfield (BODY AND SOUL; THEY MADE ME A CRIMINAL)
Anthony Quinn (REQUIEM FOR A HEAVYWEIGHT)
Marlon Brando (ON THE WATERFRONT)
Paul Newman (SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME)
Elvis Presley (KID GALAHAD)
Stacy Keach (FAT CITY)
Ryan O’Neal (MAIN EVENT)
James Earl Jones (THE GREAT WHITE HOPE)
Jon Voight (THE CHAMP)
Sylvester Stallone (ROCKY)
Robert DeNiro (RAGING BULLY)
Mr. T (ROCKY III)
Jimmy Smits (THE PRICE OF GLORY)
Will Smith (ALI)
Denzel Washington (HURRICANE)

and, maybe…

Michelle Rodriguez (GIRLFIGHT) or
Hilary Swank (MILLION DOLLAR BABY)

Kenrick Block

over 4 years ago

I know I wanted to kick Godard in the face after I saw Weekend — but I don’t know if that constitutes as a fight…

Dave McDouga​ll

over 4 years ago

Lars Von Trier, because his ‘best filmmaker in the world’ comment was meant as a personal challenge…

Kurt Walker

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

Robert Altman, cause he’d be to drunk/stoned/incoherent (just like his films!) inorder to put up a fight.

(and in his old age as well… I like fighting old people.)

Patapon

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

I would box Joel AND Ethan Coen at the same time.

Patapon

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

I would box Joel AND Ethan Coen at the same time.

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

over 4 years ago

Sekz—You’d get your ass kicked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deepblu​evelvet

over 4 years ago

Kevin Smith. Just so I can shut that mouth up.

House 0f Leaves

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

Uwe Boll—and I can take him.

But I’d love to have my ass handed to me by Charlie Chaplin.

Mike Spence

over 4 years ago

Bruce Lee. So I would learn something, assuming I was still alive.

House 0f Leaves

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

Good one, Spence. Not sure that you’d live, but what better way to go?

Here lies Mike Spence.
Ass kicked by Bruce Lee.
So it goes.

deepblu​evelvet

over 4 years ago

Josh, I want you to speak at my funeral.

House 0f Leaves

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

Deal.

Do you have a date in mind? I’ll adjust my schedule for it.

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

over 4 years ago

:O

Zack McDanie​l

over 4 years ago

Tim Burton

Zack McDanie​l

over 4 years ago

Sylvester Stalone

deepblu​evelvet

over 4 years ago

Josh: December 21st, 2012.

I kid.

I’ll have my lawyer contact you.

House 0f Leaves

-moderator-
over 4 years ago

Good deal.

I’m more interested in hearing from Boll’s people, tho. If he ever comes to Dallas I swear I’ll show him humility.